Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

[lazerfox]

I didn't fake smiling...I do it uncontrollably...one of my faults/gifts.
It didn't help me much when I was in certain parts of the city.

It was pretty strange, I have no problem meeting new people in RL but that just wasn't the case at BM (with the exception of the people I had already had some form of contact in RL like eplaya or FB).

I'll have to look more into this and maybe survey people along my week to see if it is something I'm doing to chase them away

[tamarakay]

I didn't fake smiling...I do it uncontrollably...one of my faults/gifts.
It didn't help me much when I was in certain parts of the city.

It was pretty strange, I have no problem meeting new people in RL but that just wasn't the case at BM (with the exception of the people I had already had some form of contact in RL like eplaya or FB).

I'll have to look more into this and maybe survey people along my week to see if it is something I'm doing to chase them away

Come by my camp and we will go surveying together. Plus you will have a fabulously self decorated scarf to use as an icebreaker

[Simon of the Playa]

[lazerfox]

Tamarakay - You are ON!

SOP - It is true probably 90% of the time

[Comrade Bunny]

I used to be terribly shy. Then. I came out of my shell and became an extrovert. In the last few years, I've become more and more shy. The problem is anxiety. I have very intense anxiety that has greatly impacted my life. I'm agoraphobic and have conversion disorder. I know it will be very difficult for me in the beginning. I expect to have at least one panic attack. That is not what worries me the most. My conversion disorder manifests as trembling and twitching. If it's really bad, it looks like I'm having a seizure. I became agoraphobic because I'm terrified of people seeing me when this happens. I'm terrified of how people would react to this at BM. I'm also worried about being a fat, old (37) lady.

I am going as a birgin, though, in 2013. My sister (who will be my brother by then), is getting married at BM. She has been there twice before. I'm designing a theme camp at her request and helping plan the wedding. I'll also be making costumes for myself and my roommate. I love wearing costumes and can't wait to do so at BM. My personal theme is "Oooooh Sparkly."

I'm looking forward to BM, but I'm also terrified. I love the advice given so far. I love any other advice people might have for me.

[Savannah]

I used to be terribly shy. Then. I came out of my shell and became an extrovert. In the last few years, I've become more and more shy. The problem is anxiety. I have very intense anxiety that has greatly impacted my life. I'm agoraphobic and have conversion disorder. I know it will be very difficult for me in the beginning. I expect to have at least one panic attack. That is not what worries me the most. My conversion disorder manifests as trembling and twitching. If it's really bad, it looks like I'm having a seizure.

Three questions/thoughts:
1) What usually happens in the default world when you're having a moment? And do you have warning?
2) Some Burners may come to help you, some may freeze. (Burners are often more pro-active than non-Burners, however.)
3) Question: are you able to speak when you panic? If you don't, consider a medic alert necklace that says "Panic attacks" or "Panic/conversion disorder" or whatever you think might be most accurate. You might also want to wear your camp name and address to the nearest 5 minutes on something you can edit once you arrive.

I became agoraphobic because I'm terrified of people seeing me when this happens. I'm terrified of how people would react to this at BM.

I would simply assume that you were having a seizure, panic attack, or bad reaction to medication, the environment, or drugs, and rush to help you without judgment. A lot of people have "moments" out there. Hot, tired, dehydrated, overwhelmed, experimenting with substances. Minor moments are often addressed by your friends and fellow campers. (So tell them ahead of time--and look out for them too. You might turn out to be the strong one who brings them electrolyte drinks when they're dehydrated!) However, there are medics @ 3 locations and mental health professionals (@ "Sanctuary" near Ranger headquarters; Center Camp) who help people out there all the time, and there is no charge unless you're transported off the playa with injuries.

I'm also worried about being a fat, old (37) lady.

We hear this a lot, and understand . . . but half the people on this board are your age and older. All body types. Old at 37? Please, for the love of god, speak for yourself.

The largest age group of Burners is something like 25-45, which you are smack in the middle of, but there are lots of folks in their 50's, some in their 60's, and some folks bring their parents in their 70's, which actually a lot of us get excited about. Least common age group: babies and teens. I see more 5 year olds than 15 year olds . . .

I am going as a birgin, though, in 2013. My sister (who will be my brother by then), is getting married at BM. She has been there twice before. I'm designing a theme camp at her request and helping plan the wedding. I'll also be making costumes for myself and my roommate. I love wearing costumes and can't wait to do so at BM. My personal theme is "Oooooh Sparkly."

I'm looking forward to BM, but I'm also terrified. I love the advice given so far. I love any other advice people might have for me.

Sounds like you're having some great levels of involvement already. Nice!

It's okay to be scared. This is a challenge. Going to the Burn scares a lot of people! Let it motivate you to read thoroughly, pack really well, etc. Use it! Fear can run parallel to your abilities and good qualities, co-existing alongside them.

[tamarakay]

I swear Savannah you make my heart bigger.

[Sham]

I swear Savannah you make my heart bigger.

Savannah makes everything bigger!

[DanusLight]

[quote="tamarakay] Come by my camp and we will go surveying together. Plus you will have a fabulously self decorated scarf to use as an icebreaker [/quote]

I. CAN'T. WAIT.

<3

[theCryptofishist]

I'm pretty sure your sister is already your brother...

[lazerfox]

Come by my camp and we will go surveying together. Plus you will have a fabulously self decorated scarf to use as an icebreaker

I. CAN'T. WAIT.

<3

Oh we have more survey takers! Sweet!!

[DanusLight]

Oh we have more survey takers! Sweet!!

oh oh oh I want to carry a clipboard! That makes it look official

[JesseGrrl2009]

As someone who has always been very shy I was so excited that I stumbled upon this thread. SO many great tips, especially for a shy burner virgin who was feeling sort of intimidated about facing a 50,000+ community of people who seem way more outgoing. These are great tips, excellent work

[tamarakay]

As someone who has always been very shy I was so excited that I stumbled upon this thread. SO many great tips, especially for a shy burner virgin who was feeling sort of intimidated about facing a 50,000+ community of people who seem way more outgoing. These are great tips, excellent work

Welcome to the group! Jump on in, we are (mostly ) nice people

[JesseGrrl2009]

As someone who has always been very shy I was so excited that I stumbled upon this thread. SO many great tips, especially for a shy burner virgin who was feeling sort of intimidated about facing a 50,000+ community of people who seem way more outgoing. These are great tips, excellent work

Welcome to the group! Jump on in, we are (mostly ) nice people

SO for this jumping, will there be trampolines available, or is it just more of a general frolicking?

[tamarakay]

Well, I have to provide room for a dance floor already, so when not dancing we could plonk out the trampoline if anyone has one. Oh dear, I just had a visual of the naked bike ride people participating

[Elliot]

... naked bike ride people...

Hey, I resemble that remark! (Entered that ride in 2010, but never got past the stop at Duck Pond and their fabulous slip-n-slide. What's with that ride, anyway -- almost all guys and very few gals.)

[JesseGrrl2009]

Well, I have to provide room for a dance floor already, so when not dancing we could plonk out the trampoline if anyone has one. Oh dear, I just had a visual of the naked bike ride people participating

SO. MUCH. BOUNCING. Maybe we can stick with dancing lol

[Comrade Bunny]

Savannah, thank you so much. You have lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I love the idea of wearing a med-alert tag. Why didn't I think of that? I am still a bit nervous about having a fit. I can still talk when I have one, so that's not the issue. I find it so humiliating when everyone around me gets upset, but I'll power through it I guess. Also, I'm happy to learn I'm in the middle of the age bracket. In my head, I was going to be lost in a sea of twenty-somethings. It's nice to know that's not the case. Thanks again.

theCryptofishist, you are absolutely correct in saying my sister is already my brother. However, I'm waiting for her to tell me to call her Karl instead of Katt. For me, that's the moment she becomes my brother. On a side note, I got to pick her new name, Karl Jacob (two of our great-grandfather's). She's taking her fiance's last name because there is no way she wants to go back to her maiden name, Myllykangas.

[Savannah]

I can still talk when I have one, so that's not the issue. I find it so humiliating when everyone around me gets upset, but I'll power through it I guess.

I'm glad to hear you can talk under duress. I have an idea--rather than "power through it" (which sounds hard), mentally rehearse asking people for what you need specifically. I think people might get upset when you're upset because 1) they're scared, too 2) they don't know how to help you. However, if you can be a little specific, you empower others. So you might practice visualizing yourself saying "Will you walk me to the shade?" "Can I lay down in the RV for a while?" or "I think I need a juicebox and a snack, could you help me out please?"

(Or whatever you think you might need, based on your vulnerabilities.)

[Elliot]

"Will you walk me to the shade?" "Can I lay down in the RV for a while?" or "I think I need a juicebox and a snack, could you help me out please?"

Yes! The vast majority of us would jump at the chance to respond to such a request. (If only more people would have the good sense to ask for help when they need it!)

[FlyingMonkey]

Smile. Seriously. Shy people are sometimes seen as angry, aloof, haughty, unfriendly, you name it. Pretend you’re outgoing. Yeah, it’s terrifying. Do it anyway. Burning Man is a good place to practice looking friendly. Smile at everyone until your face hurts. Then take some ibuprofen and smile some more.

brilliant brody...most people will immediately respond favorably to a smile. And my experience has been that afterward conversation develops almost on its own...especially in an evironment of "like-minded" people. I'm a huge fan of the ...fake it till ya make it philosophy...

thanks for ALL the great tips!!

Both awesome bits of advice. I am definitely one of those shy people that outwardly look way too serious. To make matters worse I am a cynical SOB and sometimes people think I am serious when I make off the cuff remarks. I know I need to smile more. I suspect that I wont be able to stop smiling once I break camp next year Some people can just walk up to strangers & strike up a conversation. I am working on that but it's really an effort & its so much easier to sit back & be quiet. Being in the Military I also get suspected of being a cop so i will need to do something that will convince people otherwise.....Hmmmm. Maybe I should just wear a police uniform & go the reverse psychology route. That could work.

[Savannah]

Sometimes nothing is better than a solemn person in bunny ears.

I used to wear animal ears or a santa hat when I was lifeguarding near the holidays, because I knew my face would go blank with concentration, and the swimmers would get a kick out of the contrast between my face and my, uh . . . flair.

[knowmad]

Sometimes nothing is better than a solemn person in bunny ears.

I used to wear animal ears or a santa hat when I was lifeguarding near the holidays, because I knew my face would go blank with concentration, and the swimmers would get a kick out of the contrast between my face and my, uh . . . flair.

How can one take themselves serious when wearing bunny ears?
'cept maybe this guy. he seriously should not have passed out 'round us.

[Paddock Empress]

Wow what an amazing thread - tehehehe I don't time to read through all of it though, so instead I will share my shy beating story:

2009 was my first burn event, I was off to Kiwiburn (New Zealands Regional), I'd set myself the challenge of going alone - that meant that I knew no one at all at the event. For a long time my only friends were my boyfriends friends - it saved me the worry of getting over shyness to meet people. But it was time to change.

The theme was future history and I came up with cunning plan to be Empress Kylon of the Xylonian Empire. I designed a symbol and had a stamp made that said "Property of Xylonia" and a pic of the symbol on it. I then made a complete set of outfits in green and purple and painted a small gazebo green and purple, with the symbol large and obvious on top. The Xylonian empire was really just nothing - just me sitting under a gazebo, and from there I was going to wing it.

I did a bit of a build up on the kiwiburn forums, making people intrigued as to what was going on.

Time came to go to the festival and through ride share forums I ended up joining the Tequila for Breakfast camp, and meeting an amazing group of people, who are still my friends - step one of the get of shyness plan was complete.

Step two came at the festival. I ran around stamping people with my stamp and running away again. No words were spoken just a stamp and run. Soon the stamp was everywhere, and suddenly all these people were coming up to me and asking questions, one thing led to another and waala - I knew people and was having heaps of fun.

It was a great way for me to get over shyness because I didn't have to approach people - I gave people the opportunity to approach me instead, and through talking to them I gained the confidence to approach others.

The stamp is now tattoo'd on my arm and there is an ongoing saga relating to the Paddock Empress and her minions (I had a name change - dropped the Kylon and gained the paddock).

And.... the Xylonian Empire will be present for the first time ever on the playa this year (come on minions/fairies/pixies/magic/luck make sure my name gets drawn for a ticket), so look out for the crazy lady wielding a stamp

[Elliot]

Great idea, Your Imperial Highness! And welcome to e-playa!

[Savannah]

Paddock Empress, that's clever as hell.

I love a great first post.

[Sham]

I hope I get one of your stamps on me. I will be looking for you on the playa.

[theCryptofishist]

Yeah, it was the only way to make sure Krylon didn't sue...

[JDCookMS]

I have to admit that in real life I'm a pretty shy person... or, at least it can take me awhile to warm up to people, so this has had some really good tips for me. I'm usually the kind of guy who watches stuff from the sidelines, but I've been coming out of my shell.

@Paddock Empress, I want a stamp!