Outing the Eplayans

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 11:58 am

Ok, folks. Here it is, time to bust up some eplaya myths.

Baaadger - sweet as hell, even though i woke him from his Monday afternoon post burn nap. Hell, i even got a kiss for it. But there is a VERY incriminating laminate of him and a dressed up goat.... oh my god, badger..... you'll never live it down. Too bad I know all your ranger buddies. He he he….

The Captain (goddammit, that is) is a fabulous host and a HUGE softy, too. He looks at you with these beautiful blue puppy dog eyes and serves you margaritas. Feeds you breakfast (thanks again for the waffles), or ice cream with liquor, depending the time. Me, Cap'n, and Lydia have some incriminating photos of a 20 minute long topless hug (well, topless on my part). He's not tough. Don't listen to him. Oh, and Technopatra can vouch for that.

Stuart - try harder to get your playa surly on. You aren't convincing. That whole gracious host, genteel company, and fabulous conversationalist don’t match your surly internet shtick. And yes, I miss you. I feel sorry for anyone who didn’t meet this man. I wish I could keep him.

I think those are the only things that need debunking. I mean, everyone was fabulous – Sparkletarte, Tiara, DougalDutch (god, did I get that right?), Technopatra, Orangepeelmoses…. And anyone I’m forgetting… Well, and Sensei and Samtzu, but I already told you all that much.

Sorry I didn’t make it to the meet and greet. It’s stuart and his margaritas’ faults.

Rob…. When are you coming to seattle? I must meet you! Damn!

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 12:56 pm

Yup. Captain Goddamnit is a total fuckin softy. He'd growl out "don't ruin my reputation" and then turn around and do something exquisitely sweet.

Sorry Cap'n. But you knew this was coming.

Smooch!

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:25 pm

It's true, I am a sock puppet.

3, count them, 3 eplayans were tasked with getting me over to the meet'n'greet. All 3 failed. Fact of the matter was, well, I had suffered through 3 days of brutal dust and come thursday it was the other sides turn for the alkaline love. So, when Lee (dougaldutch) first arrived to drag me over I looked accross the way and saw nothing but white. 'How is it over there?' I asked. 'Fuckin broo'al' was the thickly accented reply. Beer and scotch ensued. Later, um, much later, like post meet'n'greet time later the shatteringly charming but oh so unpunctual Ms. Jackson arrived. Hats off as she gave the best yank she could but I subdued her will with a stiff margarita and the warmth and comfort that can only come from the Yeti. We waited on campmates to assemble for an imptromptu playa romp but she succombed to the 'fabulous conversationalist' aspect of my personality and as a result needed to be escorted back to camp for sleep. This leaves out sparkeltarte aka velvet. Where o where art thou sparkeltarte? Did we not have a date? Ah well, it's the playa.

In the end it's better y'all did not meet me on Thursday. Things did not quite go according to plan at this years BM and by the time of the meet'n'greet I was not quite fit for human consumption.

maybe next year

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:30 pm

Oh, yes:

Sensei is a wimp (left Thursday before the weather turned purdy again)
and Silver does not read his eplaya (tried to convince me to be more political. the rest of the world is trying to hold me back. it was hilarious)

Hey, Cryptofishist, was that you by the Captain's boat when Sam and I were there? I had no idea, and was in a wierd little headspace at the time. Sorry i missed meeting you, i really wanted to. How was the wedding? I had one, rather unexpectedly, on Sunday. Go figger....

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:48 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:
Rob…. When are you coming to seattle? I must meet you! Damn!

I'll be heading up there at least a couple times between now and December for TriSantaCon planning with the Vancouver and Seattle folks, I'm sure. Don't worry, we'll hook up and I'll bring some La Fee Verte for sampling ifins you like.

I tried to find you and Sensei's camp, but spaced out the piece of paper I wrote it out on (it somewhere under some dust in my car, I'm sure). I ended up wandering between 4 and 5 from Mercury to Saturn on a walkabout trying to find it.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:55 pm

Sensei was HELLA hard to find. I gave up once, nearly twice before i managed it.

I was easy, camped between Injury Island's Pillow Fight Club and Camp Hi.

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:21 pm

Stuart, damnit! Next year I *will* fucking meet you if it kills us both. You *will* make it to that fucking party because it's a great fucking party and worth facing down dust storms for.

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:40 pm

I passed the Captain and the Playa Cruiser somewhere around the Oregon California border, and then talked to him at a gas station in Alturas. I'm still a hundred miles from the playa and I meet my first (new) e-playan. Next morning, I've arrived and am setting up camp when the Captain pulls up in the Cruiser. Seems he couldn't be bothered to actually set up camp before he took his baby out for her first sail of the year. Later in the week, I'm finishing up a big night at the Glom bar (Yay Chairway to Heaven!) Who do I run into but the Captain... again. He asks me if I want a ride home - way the hell out at 4:40 and Sedna. I said I had my bike and it would probably be a problem on the boat and all... The Captain barked a few orders and a member of his crew flies down and grabs my bike and loads it aboard in about 2 seconds. The Captain has me walk around the railing to the the primo seat up on the flying bridge. What a ride home! I remember the way the lights of the Playa Cruiser lit up the smiling faces of everyone she encountered. The Captain looked pretty spiffy in his yachting jacket, as you would expect.

A few quick notes on other e-playans:

The Judge was the first e-playan I met this year while actually on the playa. I asked if he was working when I hit the gate, and bingo! Nice guy; interesting mods.

The Badger. Much better looking in person. Has a twinkle in his eye, which is a pretty neat trick considering that he was working every frickin' night from 12:00 to 8:00 in the morning. Just thinking about all those hours makes me tired. The goat picture was disturbing, I'll admit, but it's not like the goat wasn't askin' for it, wearin' that corset and all.

Dougledutch (sp?) OK, I'm spelling that wrong, but I'm too lazy to go looking it up right now. He gave me some toffee that's still stuck to my teeth. He did warn me though. I'll get him back someday.

Bambi was his usual kind and calm self. I always see him when he's ditched his camp and is hiding out in the suburbs. He wears these big dark shades and tries to act all incognito. But we know who he is...

Rian was the cleanest person I saw on the playa. She looked like a little doll in her white dress with the Japanese Kamikaze headband. I've never seen her more calm or relaxed. Some women just seem to blossom on the playa.

Samtzu was living under that big yellow smiley flag just 200' away from my camp. Gotta give credit to Rian here; she told me where to find him. Nice guy, but I'm stealing his big green parachute next year. Cool camp.

_Tears_ was exactly as I expected. Maybe even a little cuter.

Ivy surpassed exceedingly high expectations. I managed to see a minute (or five) of her BellyDance Boot Camp in action. Hypnotic. She had something like thirty women there; and when Ivy moved, they moved. I just stood and stared... I mean, c'mon; like you would have done any different. AND, I saw the tattoo. Hah!

Doc Pyro was out carousing by himself when I ran into him. I got to talk with him for 10 minutes or so, which is kinda unusual if you know anything about the popularity of his camp. He lives up to his rep, let Sensei assure you. Thanks again, Doc.

Diane O'Thirst is an artiste. My SeaWolf stick-hob looks beautiful and I'm sincerely thrilled with it; any of you guys looking for something different for the room should seriously consider one of these babies. She seemed sincerely disappointed to hear that the Seawolf will (usually) be displayed on my wall as an art piece rather than be used as my primary mode of transportation. I guess I should have seen that coming.

Miss Black Rock City. What a dish. Seriously. She likes to call herself a "Self-proclaimed beauty queen". Self-proclaimed, my foot.

Ok, that's a just a start... I'm still unpacking.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 2:54 pm

Stuart, damnit! Next year

there might not be a next year for this newly initiated jaded old timer.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:10 pm

stuart wrote:
Stuart, damnit! Next year
there might not be a next year for this newly initiated jaded old timer.

you're gonna make me cry.
how about not camping on Esplanade, and visiting Arson Island a lot?
I'll make coffee, i promise.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:25 pm

Stuart... you could have come and stayed out on Neptune with me... across the street I had a camp of drunken, frat boy yahoos who decided my camp was the perfect place to test their "BodyBlaster" sound system. Techno music, Beastie Boys, Rage, all at ear splitting levels, day or night.

Boneheads...

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:30 pm

samtzu wrote:Stuart... you could have come and stayed out on Neptune with me... across the street I had a camp of drunken, frat boy yahoos who decided my camp was the perfect place to test their "BodyBlaster" sound system. Techno music, Beastie Boys, Rage, all at ear splitting levels, day or night.

Boneheads...

did no one tell you to bring earplugs?
stuart's camp was annoying the first night too, before i readjusted to the noise. of course, TF across the street was worse.

camp near/in hushville next year, sam. meet the Peterman... he he he he

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:31 pm

stuart wrote:
Stuart, damnit! Next year
there might not be a next year for this newly initiated jaded old timer.

Let me guess- the Rave camps, right?

Jus' fuckin' with you. Wished I could have met you. I truely gave myself up to the playa, showing up like a complete newbie- no expectations, and gave it one last college try. This was truely it this time. I felt great joy in the early morning on Thursday as I walked the playa alone to see the art. And on Wednesday night when I walked the Esplanade end to end. But I seen too many other things that jarred my experience.

The event has changed and I have changed, and our paths run perpendicular. We crossed in the beginning and it changed my direction. Now the farther I go on my path, the harder it is to see the other path in the distance.

I will become more active in the local regionals, and I'll always be a Caco- but the Burn has gone out of my heart. I would rather it go out as a shining star than a burnt ember, so this must be the end.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:48 pm

Rian wrote:

samtzu wrote:

Stuart... you could have come and stayed out on Neptune with me... across the street I had a camp of drunken, frat boy yahoos who decided my camp was the perfect place to test their "BodyBlaster" sound system. Techno music, Beastie Boys, Rage, all at ear splitting levels, day or night.

Boneheads...
did no one tell you to bring earplugs?
stuart's camp was annoying the first night too, before i readjusted to the noise. of course, TF across the street was worse.

camp near/in hushville next year, sam. meet the Peterman... he he he he

I had earplugs, but they didn't help. These idiots used extra-sensory annoyance. Next year? Napalm!!!

Or Hushville...

Which one would be more in the spirit of Burning Man?

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 3:54 pm

Napalm.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 4:05 pm

definitely napalm

but may i also suggest amplified heckling?

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 4:37 pm

visiting Arson Island

I swear to god if I did it any more you were gonna have to get a restraining order.

Your 'coffee' took me out that day I found you and it. Cutting it with scotch was the only thing that saved me.

Thing with esplanade is it's really the only venue, other than the open playa that works for my schtick. Drop the scthick and spectate might be a reasonable response but I am not sure that will quite get me what I need.

I am glad you had a good time Rob. My brother, for the first time in many years, dropped the theme camp gig and just set up his own little shop with his wife and a couple of friends. He said it was his best burn since his first.

It's very cloudy and confusing but I definitely learned some lessons this year. The big question is are there still lessons to be learned?

sparkletarte · Post by **sparkletarte** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 5:20 pm

Hi everyone! I made it back home last night. Only one speeding ticket- $239...ouch!

It was so fun and wonderful to meet all of you! Stuart, you may remember that I reminded you about the meet and greet on, um, I don't know, a couple days prior, and I told you that I couldn't guarantee I'd be back again before it happened. I did cross my mind to bike out to your place, but then I got sucked over to the right instead of the left. Not knowing what time it was I just went with that...I just figured you'd make it out. I did get back to your place a couple days later though...I hope you got your salmon (that I gave to one of your buddies who was busy getting it on when I flung open the door to your rv!).

The meet and greet was great- I ate some shrimp for the first time in mnay years (I've been told there are no vegetarians on the playa and it's true for me!). I loved putting faces and bodies and movements and voices to all of the eplayans I met. Some of you were just as I imagined and others quite a bit different. Dr. Pyro, wonderful hosting! Cap't, thanks so much for the boat ride home- I loved it!

My head it spinning and I feel bug eyed. It's so weird to be sitting at a computer.

Where was DVD burner? And Rob? And the others I wanted to meet but didn't?

sparkletarte · Post by **sparkletarte** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 5:27 pm

Okay, wait a minute, what is this thread about? Now I see the met and greeted one and now I'm confused.

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 6:54 pm

Thing with esplanade is it's really the only venue, other than the open playa that works for my schtick.

Stuart,
I see your point but I'm not sure I agree. Think about Pinky's--they were never mapped and they had the happenin' action going on where ever they chose to be. I could see your camp doing something similar.
On that same line, I could see your camp as an instigator in moving the "circus" away from the Esplinade--as a draw to get more folks out to other parts of the city and combat they whole "Esplinade as techo state fair" feeling.
Just my $0.000002.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 7:46 pm

Baaadger - sweet as hell, even though i woke him from his Monday afternoon post burn nap. Hell, i even got a kiss for it. But there is a VERY incriminating laminate of him and a dressed up goat.... oh my god, badger..... you'll never live it down. Too bad I know all your ranger buddies.

Dang Rian. My reputation is ruined.

Ruined.

Wish I'd been more awake when you stopped by. 30 hrs of Rangering can make one appear sweet. But I'm not. Really, I'm not.

Thanks for stopping by though. Waking to such sweetness as yours was worth the dreamless sleep that I had that afternoon.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 7:51 pm

Oh and....

Sensei, thanks for the gift. Absolutely one of the most gracious things given to me on the playa. You'll never know know how many goof thoughts were cast your way at 4:45am on one of the coldest nights on the playa. Nothing mixes better than fire and good scotch.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Wed Sep 08, 2004 10:49 pm

Sensei and Sparkletarte, you're welcome, that's what the Playa Cruiser is for. Any of you are always welcome aboard and will be served coffee, margaritas, icewater, etc. and/or be chauffeurred anywhere on the playa...
If any of you didn't meet Sparkletarte, too bad for you... I love that name, and she fits it perfectly. She's a little doll. I liked her.
Sensei was officially the first eplayan I met. If any of you saw the great big pirate flag I had flying over the 'Cruiser, well, that was a gift from Sensei on the first day. I flew it all week. Thanks Sensei!
Trollop is intentionally trying to wreck me. I have no recollection of any alleged events she speaks of. (Yes, you, "Rian Jackson"...)
But about her; I've carried that little dress she was wearing Monday for a few years, wanting to give it to the trollop-... uh, girl it was right for...
I liked Lydia Love too... no further details are available.
Ring 'O Fire was the kind of guy you'd want to have around at any time.
Hey Steve, that very pretty girl on the top deck of the boat (the one I called "Attention Whore") said good things about you later...
Purplekoosh finally went out on the Playa Cruiser, at speeds approaching 10 MPH late Monday night way out near the trash fence without peeling off my registration stickers... now she's officially a bad girl.
Notthatone was a really nice guy too, liked him.
The only one on my list of people I really specifically wanted to meet and didn't manage to run into on the playa was our host, Technopatra... but this is so Burning Man... I had 2 girls on the boat (strangers to me) that asked if we could go to center camp to say hi to their friend Nicole... It was her!
And Captain Goddammit really liked Technopatra... I think she's the kind that... well, if you don't like her, there's something wrong with YOU. (Hey, I guess there's nothing wrong with me then...)
There were so many... I'll out some more later...

And hopefully everyone found me pretty much "as advertised", no matter what any impossibly cute little trollop says...

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 1:37 am

Baaaadger wrote:30 hrs of Rangering can make one appear sweet. But I'm not. Really, I'm not.

I'll attest to that. Badger's a complete prick. I think he's the kind of person people emigrate to avoid.

Sorry I showed up to the M-'n'-G so late, there are a number of you I would have liked to meet. Maybe next year. If I'm not in fucking Guam.

Sobretta Franjipan · Post by **Sobretta Franjipan** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 2:19 am

Thing with esplanade is it's really the only venue, other than the open playa that works for my schtick. Drop the scthick and spectate might be a reasonable response but I am not sure that will quite get me what I need.

What is this magnificent schtick that can only work on the Esplanade or open playa? Why not use the open playa then? You've been a really sour, cranky guy posting all over. Sounds like "what you need" is a lot of attention and a pacifier. Is somebody forcing you to go and forcing you to camp on the Esplanade you seem to dislike so much?

I camped at 9:15 and Earth and couldn't have asked for better neighbors and entertainment (given and received).

One path of evolution on the playa is summed up in one word:
STREAMLINE!

Get out of the hullabaloo and into tent on the ground simplicity.

Huge camps/installations are grossly overrated. Intimate interaction is where it's at.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 4:59 am

Hey did anyone see Spanky or Emilly Sparkle?

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 9:01 am

Badger wrote:
Thanks for stopping by though. Waking to such sweetness as yours was worth the dreamless sleep that I had that afternoon.

goddamn, baaadger, ya make me blush.
I'm pretty sure it couldn't have been just exhaustion though, because I also saw you (unbeknownst to me) late morning Wednesday at Tokyo. I recall that you looked pretty awake, and neither ate me nor Zeitgeist for breakfast (personally, i prefer ravers...) then again, i can't imagine most people trying to mess with little old me when i have an enormous towering (quite huggable, really) Ranger Zeitgeist at my side.

I'll attest to that. Badger's a complete prick. I think he's the kind of person people emigrate to avoid.

you're just jealous cause you didn't get a kiss.

speaking of Rangers, by the way, i'm beginning to think i've overestimated you all as a breed. I mean, two chick rangers should have been able to subdue a smallish imp bent on stealing Orange Camp's signage. I mean, they may have had me off the ground, but i was still attached to that damn dome.

Softy wrote:Trollop is intentionally trying to wreck me. I have no recollection of any alleged events she speaks of. (Yes, you, "Rian Jackson"...)
But about her; I've carried that little dress she was wearing Monday for a few years, wanting to give it to the trollop-... uh, girl it was right for...

Yup. We're pulling into JPC a few nights ago in the middle of the eplaya post event cruiser ride. The Captain has not yet been lectured for speeding, but we've already been boozed up a bit. TechnoPatra's been rescued from work, and we're sitting about eating our alcoholic ice cream (yeah, the mean's got a freezer) He says that he has something for me, and runs off to his temperature controlled abode. He comes back with this dress that's all playatude, all short and crazy and cool under black light. Tuesday morning as i packed up my shit and left the Outpost, i was playa fabulous in fresh, clean clothes.

Oh, and the waffles and fresh fruit Tuesday morning... damn.

Further, he helped me get my art where it needed to go. Missed my wedding after, but was kind enough to haul out to open playa with a load of cowgirls on no notice. Next time would you make it to the celebration, though??

Hey, Cap't, I'm coming for dinner next week, you know what to do.....

Right, Lydia?

That captain, he's slick.

Blenderhead · Post by **Blenderhead** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 9:40 am

All y'all lay off the goat story.

That's MY story, you sunsabitches, and the corset is downstairs.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 9:44 am

Blenderhead wrote:All y'all lay off the goat story.

That's MY story, you sunsabitches, and the corset is downstairs.

? Do tell, I'm on tenterhooks.

Blenderhead · Post by **Blenderhead** » Thu Sep 09, 2004 9:46 am

Also, for the record, many people were greeted by a certain person wearing the very same (cleaned) corset.

If they only knew...

Outing the Eplayans

Outing the Eplayans

Re: Outing the Eplayans

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