Unwritten letters
- unjonharley
- Posts: 10243
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Unwritten letters
Dear Noah,
We were sure you posted the boat would leave at 4:30.
Sincerely, The Unicorns
We were sure you posted the boat would leave at 4:30.
Sincerely, The Unicorns
Re: Unwritten letters
Dear Abe.
The bill for tonights performance has changed.
The act for tonight will be Gallagher
We knew youd want a front row seat.. Your ticket is enclosed.
Sincerely,
Ford's Theatre Management.
The bill for tonights performance has changed.
The act for tonight will be Gallagher
We knew youd want a front row seat.. Your ticket is enclosed.
Sincerely,
Ford's Theatre Management.
Don't link to anything here!
- oneeyeddick
- Posts: 5592
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- Location: Probably in your pants
Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Amelia,
Enclosed herein are the maps that you requested.
We apologize for the delay in shipping and we have refunded the full amount of your purchase.
We are looking forward to doing more business with you in the Future.
God Bless you, and good luck with your flight.
Sincerely,
John Atlas
Enclosed herein are the maps that you requested.
We apologize for the delay in shipping and we have refunded the full amount of your purchase.
We are looking forward to doing more business with you in the Future.
God Bless you, and good luck with your flight.
Sincerely,
John Atlas
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
- International Incident
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Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Burke & Wills,
The full water bottles are under the third tree to the left. The ones ubder the first tree on the right are filled with horse piss.
Yours,
Captain.
(our early explorers kinda died from running out of water - B&W equivalent to Lewis and Clarke)
The full water bottles are under the third tree to the left. The ones ubder the first tree on the right are filled with horse piss.
Yours,
Captain.
(our early explorers kinda died from running out of water - B&W equivalent to Lewis and Clarke)
- graidawg
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Re: Unwriten letters
ygmir wrote:Dear humans:
WTF!!!
sincerely,
Dawg.
dammit yggi i mever wrote that!
FREE THE SHERPAS
Burners with torches is right and natural and just.-fishy.
CATCH AND RELEASE.
Burners with torches is right and natural and just.-fishy.
CATCH AND RELEASE.
- ygmir
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Re: Unwriten letters
graidawg wrote:ygmir wrote:Dear humans:
WTF!!!
sincerely,
Dawg.
dammit yggi i mever wrote that!
it's not always about you, Dorian........
YGMIR
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
- unjonharley
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Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Iceberg,
Having heard of the recent global warming.
To this I would like to say.
Isn't karma a bitch?
Sincerely, The Titanic
Having heard of the recent global warming.
To this I would like to say.
Isn't karma a bitch?
Sincerely, The Titanic
- International Incident
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Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Mitt,
I had a great time last night - you took me with so much power. I can still feel your touch. I think we should update our Facebook relationship status. I don't care what the others say.
Yours always (and I'm still smiling).
Rick S
I had a great time last night - you took me with so much power. I can still feel your touch. I think we should update our Facebook relationship status. I don't care what the others say.
Yours always (and I'm still smiling).
Rick S
- graidawg
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Re: Unwriten letters
ygmir wrote:graidawg wrote:ygmir wrote:Dear humans:
WTF!!!
sincerely,
Dawg.
dammit yggi i mever wrote that!
it's not always about you, Dorian........
oh know i am annoyed that names is gone i could have a sock of my very own!
FREE THE SHERPAS
Burners with torches is right and natural and just.-fishy.
CATCH AND RELEASE.
Burners with torches is right and natural and just.-fishy.
CATCH AND RELEASE.
- unjonharley
- Posts: 10243
- Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
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Re: Unwriten letters
]
Dear Sarah Palin
We feel your pain
We well know the pain, when no one wants to run with you
Sincerely Scissors
Dear Sarah Palin
We feel your pain
We well know the pain, when no one wants to run with you
Sincerely Scissors
- Simon of the Playa
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Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Captain Pruss,
I just Checked your Horoscope for your voyage to America.
it says youre fucked, and something about humanity.
i dont believe in that shit anyways...
I just Checked your Horoscope for your voyage to America.
it says youre fucked, and something about humanity.
i dont believe in that shit anyways...
Frida Be You & Me
- Roberto Dobbisano
- Posts: 2973
- Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:54 pm
- Location: Dobbidossola, Italy.
Re: Unwriten letters
Dear Marian, i just had a vision while smoking DMT and Banana Peels.
fuck the lottery, lets take Dr. Dre's offer and high tail it to St. Barts and meet up with tupac and Richard Branson.
Larry.
fuck the lottery, lets take Dr. Dre's offer and high tail it to St. Barts and meet up with tupac and Richard Branson.
Larry.
"10 principles? you cant HANDLE the 10 principles..."
- Elliot
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Re: Unwriten letters

This has the makings of an epic thread, but we need some illustrations.
Simon of the Playa wrote:Dear Captain Pruss,
I just Checked your Horoscope for your voyage to America.
it says youre fucked, and something about humanity.
i dont believe in that shit anyways...

Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
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- Elliot
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Re: Unwriten letters
Herr Wilson
Washington
Amerika
Thank you for helping end the war. I was freezing my tukhus off in the trenches. I hope your League Of Nations eliminates all danger of another great war.
Most cordially,
Corporal Adolf Hitler
Washington
Amerika
Thank you for helping end the war. I was freezing my tukhus off in the trenches. I hope your League Of Nations eliminates all danger of another great war.
Most cordially,
Corporal Adolf Hitler
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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- Elliot
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Re: Unwriten letters
Baker Automobile Company
Detroit
It may surprise you, but I drive one of your fine Baker Electric automobiles at every opportunity. Yesterday I drove it all the way to a church picnic in the Heights, and it was the only automobile there which did not bring with it a foul odour. Also, your Electric Automobile is wonderfully quiet – not at all like my husband’s noisy contraptions.
Please do not let my husband hear that I wrote you. He is so proud of his invention. But I wanted you to know that your Electric Automobile is far easier to operate, and I much prefer it for my personal use.
Most cordially,
Clara Ford
Dearborn
Detroit
It may surprise you, but I drive one of your fine Baker Electric automobiles at every opportunity. Yesterday I drove it all the way to a church picnic in the Heights, and it was the only automobile there which did not bring with it a foul odour. Also, your Electric Automobile is wonderfully quiet – not at all like my husband’s noisy contraptions.
Please do not let my husband hear that I wrote you. He is so proud of his invention. But I wanted you to know that your Electric Automobile is far easier to operate, and I much prefer it for my personal use.
Most cordially,
Clara Ford
Dearborn
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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- Elliot
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Re: Unwritten letters
Jesus Josefson
Bethlehem
Young man, it has come to our attention that you are humping one Mary Magdalena, without benefit of marriage, for which you are not eligible anyway.
Going forth and being fruitful does not apply to you, as your strain is committed to poverty and cannot ever personally generate wealth for the church.
You are ordered to instead use males for the purpose of draining your prostate, to avoid any possibility of a pregnancy which would embarrass me.
Sincerely,
The Pope
Vatican City
Bethlehem
Young man, it has come to our attention that you are humping one Mary Magdalena, without benefit of marriage, for which you are not eligible anyway.
Going forth and being fruitful does not apply to you, as your strain is committed to poverty and cannot ever personally generate wealth for the church.
You are ordered to instead use males for the purpose of draining your prostate, to avoid any possibility of a pregnancy which would embarrass me.
Sincerely,
The Pope
Vatican City
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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- Elliot
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Re: Unwritten letters
Captain Chr. Columbus
The Santa Maria
Port Of Hispaniola
Nah nah nah nah nah!
Regards,
The Emperor of India
The Santa Maria
Port Of Hispaniola
Nah nah nah nah nah!
Regards,
The Emperor of India
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
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- unjonharley
- Posts: 10243
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Re: Unwritten letters
]
Dear Adam & Eve
Sorry about the apple thing and your eviction.
Some party huh?
Sincerely Snake
Dear Adam & Eve
Sorry about the apple thing and your eviction.
Some party huh?
Sincerely Snake
- Elliot
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Re: Unwritten letters
(circa 1984)
Marge Schott
Cincinnati
Dear Marge:
Congratulations on buying your baseball team. Now we can have some fun, because I just bought a team also. This is a crummy team and I got a real bargain. If I can turn it around I should make a great profit. The little people eat this shit up.
So I would like to borrow one of your million-dollar bucks for my farm system brood mares. What are their stud fees?
Let’s get together for tea soon.
With love,
Leona Helmsley
New York
Marge Schott
Cincinnati
Dear Marge:
Congratulations on buying your baseball team. Now we can have some fun, because I just bought a team also. This is a crummy team and I got a real bargain. If I can turn it around I should make a great profit. The little people eat this shit up.
So I would like to borrow one of your million-dollar bucks for my farm system brood mares. What are their stud fees?
Let’s get together for tea soon.
With love,
Leona Helmsley
New York
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
Website: http://www.elliotsbikes.org
Email: elliotsbikes@outlook.com

- unjonharley
- Posts: 10243
- Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
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Re: Unwritten letters
]
General Custer
Great Plains Area
Sir,
Our company only covers manufactures defects..
There for we will not be able to replace your shirt
CEO Arrow Shirt MFG.
General Custer
Great Plains Area
Sir,
Our company only covers manufactures defects..
There for we will not be able to replace your shirt
CEO Arrow Shirt MFG.
- Simon of the Playa
- Posts: 18384
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- Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Re: Unwritten letters
Dear Board Members, i tried some last night and it sucks ass.
I am Shit-Canning the "New" Coke project, who the fuck wants to drink pseudo-pepsi anyway?
Roberto Goizueta, CEO
I am Shit-Canning the "New" Coke project, who the fuck wants to drink pseudo-pepsi anyway?
Roberto Goizueta, CEO
Frida Be You & Me
- ygmir
- Posts: 29094
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Re: Unwritten letters
to:
Mr. Einstein.'
Dearest Al.
We, your general family and distant relatives, find it disheartening, that you don't acknowledge us an real.
We feel, we've been very loving to you, with gifts and what not, so, why do you refer to us as theoretical?
signed:
your special relatives.
Mr. Einstein.'
Dearest Al.
We, your general family and distant relatives, find it disheartening, that you don't acknowledge us an real.
We feel, we've been very loving to you, with gifts and what not, so, why do you refer to us as theoretical?
signed:
your special relatives.
YGMIR
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
- H.G.Crosby
- Posts: 1918
- Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:47 pm
- Location: Boston, New York, Paris, Tangiers
Re: Unwritten letters
Dear Anne
Here are the Tickets and fake passports you will need for you and the rest of the family to come to America.
please DONT show this to ANYONE especially that cute german soldier boy you've been schtupping.
love,
Your Auntie Frank.
Here are the Tickets and fake passports you will need for you and the rest of the family to come to America.
please DONT show this to ANYONE especially that cute german soldier boy you've been schtupping.
love,
Your Auntie Frank.
Once I noticed I was on fire, I decided to relax and enjoy the fall™
- Elliot
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Re: Unwritten letters
Football Players’ Haberdashery Inc.:
Send me a pair of gloves one size smaller than my usual size. Doesn’t matter what style or color. Charge to my in-house account.
-O.J.
Send me a pair of gloves one size smaller than my usual size. Doesn’t matter what style or color. Charge to my in-house account.
-O.J.
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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- unjonharley
- Posts: 10243
- Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
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Re: Unwritten letters
]
Dearest Eva,
Those pills were for thee tea party when the Allies arrived.
It's alright anyway.. The Allies would of just had me hang around
Our party turned out fine. We sure got gassed together in the end.
With love, Adolf
Dearest Eva,
Those pills were for thee tea party when the Allies arrived.
It's alright anyway.. The Allies would of just had me hang around
Our party turned out fine. We sure got gassed together in the end.
With love, Adolf
- Simon of the Playa
- Posts: 18384
- Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:25 pm
- Burning Since: 1996
- Camp Name: La Guilde des Hashischins
- Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Re: Unwritten letters
H.G.Crosby wrote:Dear Anne
Here are the Tickets and fake passports you will need for you and the rest of the family to come to America.
please DONT show this to ANYONE especially that cute german soldier boy you've been schtupping.
love,
Your Auntie Frank.
ps...
beware of the Mormons...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/2 ... 92102.html
Frida Be You & Me
- ygmir
- Posts: 29094
- Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:36 pm
- Burning Since: 2017
- Camp Name: qqqq
- Location: nevada county
Re: Unwritten letters
Our dearest Mr. Smith:
Thank you so much, for returning our golden tablets. We thought we lost them.
Sorry we couldn't lend them to you again, but, we did send the seagulls.
Sincerely,
the Andelusion coucil, Alpha Centauri, M.W.
Thank you so much, for returning our golden tablets. We thought we lost them.
Sorry we couldn't lend them to you again, but, we did send the seagulls.
Sincerely,
the Andelusion coucil, Alpha Centauri, M.W.
YGMIR
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
- Elliot
- Posts: 7638
- Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:41 pm
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Re: Unwritten letters
Walter Liberace
Las Vegas, NV
Our client, the Baldwin Piano Company, requests that you cover or remove the Baldwin name from any Baldwin piano you play in public, to avoid bringing ridicule and contempt upon the Baldwin brand name. We trust it will not be necessary to pursue a cease and desist order in this matter.
Smith, Jones & Brown
Attorneys at Law
Las Vegas, NV
Our client, the Baldwin Piano Company, requests that you cover or remove the Baldwin name from any Baldwin piano you play in public, to avoid bringing ridicule and contempt upon the Baldwin brand name. We trust it will not be necessary to pursue a cease and desist order in this matter.
Smith, Jones & Brown
Attorneys at Law
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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Email: elliotsbikes@outlook.com

- Elliot
- Posts: 7638
- Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:41 pm
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Re: Unwritten letters
(circa 1942)
Dear Mr and Mrs Presley
We have had young Elvis in the after-hours music program for six weeks now, and we regret to inform you that he does not show the musical talent required to stay in the program.
Elvis does seem to be unusually active and limber of body – in fact often interrupting music class by tapping his feet against the floor and otherwise moving about unnecessarily. So we suggest you enroll him in a sports program instead.
Sincerely,
Student Counselor
Tupelo School District
Dear Mr and Mrs Presley
We have had young Elvis in the after-hours music program for six weeks now, and we regret to inform you that he does not show the musical talent required to stay in the program.
Elvis does seem to be unusually active and limber of body – in fact often interrupting music class by tapping his feet against the floor and otherwise moving about unnecessarily. So we suggest you enroll him in a sports program instead.
Sincerely,
Student Counselor
Tupelo School District
Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service, Healing Arts, Body Paint & Piano Bar
No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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No phones, tobacco, or politics in our public areas, please
Bike come unglued? Take it to the nude dude!
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Email: elliotsbikes@outlook.com

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