Unwritten letters

[ygmir]

to:
operations dept. Chernobyl power and light:

Comrades:
please to explain lost radio transmission:
We have had no contact since hearing "Don't push that bu.........."
Phones and radio seem not to working, so, please reply via USSRPS, hand written explanation, at your earliest convenience.

Yours in concern and consternation:
Commissar

[The CO]

F.D. Roosevelt
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC
Dec 7th8th, 1941

Frank,

Listen, it's not working out, the higher-ups are making us go ahead with the other plan. So, we're totally going to war with you guys.

It sucks, I really enjoyed our pokers games.

Gotta run, I have a plane to catch in 53 minutes.

Cheers,

I. Yamamoto

[Roberto Dobbisano]

Dear Larry

dont sweat the ticket thing, Dre is printing up more to sell to Whitey.

if he finds out i wrote this, i'm a dead man.

Tupac.

[Elliot]

February 20, 2006

Richard Cheney
Backstage
The White House

You are hereby expelled from the National Rifle Association for bringing untold ridicule upon the very concept of responsible gun ownership.

Charlton Heston
Chairman, NRA

[Elliot]

(1846 or 7)

Henry David Thoreau
Walden Pond

Henry, I did not want to say this while my wife and children were present. But I’m really sick and tired of you inviting yourself to dinner with us whenever your pitiful vegetable patch fails to fill you belly. You are a wonderful thinker, but dammit, if you are going to live your life in my woods, you need to become a doer also.

Emerson

[unjonharley]

[
Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up.

Sincerely, The girls from Jersey Shore

[Elliot]

[Dictation by Gottlieb Daimler, in Germany roughly 112 years ago]


Miss Schultz, take a letter to that verdammte distributor for France!


Herr Jellinek:

Yes, of course we want you to sell our automobiles in France. But you are bloody well not going to name them after your daughter, no matter how cute your snot-nosed little Mercedes might be!

G. Daimler
Chairman
Daimler Motor Wagen Works

[Simon of the Playa]

Dear Head Technician-san

Please to be advised of utmost importance to make redundant back-up power systems on-line immediately at fukashima reactors.

i had this really fucked up dream last night.

Masataka Shimizu

[Roberto Dobbisano]

Dear Al,

call ME despicable?

you're a dead man.

Aaron

[Elliot]

Dear Mrs. Oogabooga
Nigeria

So sorry to hear your husband died in the plane crash. Good thing he was able to hide all the loot in a secret account.

I have the good-faith money ready to send. But we must not communicate so openly. Please contact me at this more discrete email address instead: chiefinvestigator (at) interpol (dot) int.

Elliot

[Elliot]

[A note, passed discretely via a hiding place in the kitchen)

Senora Baena:

You are…WHAT???!!!

-Ahnold

[Elliot]

[inter-office memo, circa 1953]

Walt:

Man, we’re doing so well with the films! Let’s not mess with a good thing. Amusement parks always become dirty and run-down and go broke after a few years. Come up with a new cartoon character instead.

-Roy

[unjonharley]

]
Dear Ugly People,

Your welcome

Sincerely, Alcohol

[unjonharley]

]
Dear Ugly People,

Your welcome

Sincerely, Alcohol

[unjonharley]

.
Dear Jesus,

Sorry about missing the chick on your lap and kissing you instead.

Good luck and have a nice trip.

Hope to see you in three days as planed.

Judas A.

[Molotov]

Dear Alferd Packer,

After reviewing the recipes you submitted for publication, we regret to inform you that they were not selected for this years' cookbook. Perhaps you were writing for too narrow a market.

Sincerely,

Betty Crocker

[GreyCoyote]

Dear "Doctor";

These are not the indians you are looking for.

The BMORG.

[MacGlenver]

Dear Sandwich shop on the corner,

I said no fucking mustard, god damn it.

Sincerely,
Me