tell me a story

[burner von braun]

..keep the unruly masses entertained!"

And with that, LiberaceDoc began to play the piano with great vigor, and Triken, atop the piano, began dancing her own version of the Russian squat dance (or 'kazatskis', for those of you who really ought to get outside more often), but she danced in the elongated "keep on triken" style. The audience at home, dutifully wearing their 3D glasses as they had been told, bobbed and weaved in order to seemingly avoid her exaggerated kicks. The Nielson ratings skyrocketed, the tee shirt business boomed, even STEP people began to ignore their timestamps, until..

[Sail Man]

A Sandworm burst from the playa and swallowed Liberace/Doc and Triken whole! Collapsing onto the playa surface, Shai Halud, appearing to be the biggest ever to breach forth upon the playa, rolled first right, and then left, swallowing as the muffled sounds of Moon River slowly faded into the wind. Shocked! The denizen's of Black Rock City (not to be confused with the Fremen) began to look at each other with a look of utter confusion upon their faces...until one spoke up. "Hey, they didn't have the absinthe with them, did they?" "No. it's over here" said.............

[ygmir]

none other than Misablue............who was holding it, and, a bottle of slivovice.

"oh the horror" was heard exclaimed, by many in the crowd.
tears flowed freely.
The horror, the horror..............

(but luckily, unbeknownst to most, Liberace/Doc and Triken had their "emergency sand worm attack" kits, and "body condoms" contained within, and were able to deploy them, thus saving themselves from the digestive juices of said sand worm)

the crowd moaned.........a collective sigh of despair.

when on Sailmans always present emergency radio, there comes a call:

"mayday, mayday, this is Liberace/Doc, and Triken, we're floating in a jellylike *schrooch, spop, znip* substance, but are able to maneuver using impulse power. We have emergency oxygen deployed."

the crowd, hushed:
Could this be real?

Sailman:
"Liberace/Doc, please confirm, is that you?"

Liberace/Doc:

"crackle, sputter, snit, sorp zach..........yes, yes it is...........I am hypothesizing a means of extracting us, deeth, cronk, spekk nib, and will respond with method"

Sailman raised both hands, as if in triumph, tears rolling down his cheeks.........bright, white teeth glistening in an unbridled smile of relief and happiness:

"yes, yes goodfolk of the playa, sureley Liberace/Doc and Triken live!!!!!"

the crowd was jubilant:

"YAY!"
and much merriment was had.

Liberace/Doc:

"bit, klig namar...........I have concluded calculations and extrapolations, and deduce we can compel the worm to expel us, by merely administering a mixture of Misa's slivovice and absinthe"

Misa skates to the front, in her usual selfless style, helmet on, derby gear bright and polished:

I veel do it!! Give to me the mixture, and I will feed this demon vorm as if it was a lovely Obiet!!

With that, she took the elixir of salvation, and skated furiously towards the worm, it's gaping maw open, as if to receive an luscious and tender treat.
But the wily, and expert skater, Misa, merely tossed the Absovice bomb into said jaws, made a turn, and pirouette, and skated back.

the worm swallowed.........it's eyes opened wide.........it began to convulse..........it's body moving rhythmically, in a wave like motion, not unlike a parastolic wave.........the crowd was hushed.......they could hear Liberace/Doc and Triken, screaming, as if riding a roller coaster..........
suddenly, the huge anus of the beast opened, and a viscous olive drab green fluid erupted forth.........followed, by two, figures........looking like babes in their amniotic sacks, shot forth and rolled across the dust..........
Sailman ( cape flowing behind) and Misa ran/skated to them, hoping to find they had survived........
Misa pulled her scimitar from her backpack, and with one swing, opened both sacks...........
Liberace/Doc, was first to speak............as the hushed crowd craned in, to hear, he said:............

[maryanimal]

...For chrissakes! Don't just stand there, hand us some towels and a shot of absinthe! We made it!! the crowd roared ."huzzah!" in unison, the good folks of the playa surrounded Liberace/Doc and Triken and raised them high upon their shoulders and sang out...

[ygmir]

really the only fitting song possible:

[youtube][/youtube]

and as the song, turned to a Gregorian chant, in tone and cadence, a huge whirlwind formed........

for the worm had a protector............

[FIGJAM]

Jose Cuervo, but him and his giant sombrarro could not stand against the enraged crowd as they snatched 3/4" emt from the sarounding shade stuctures and set upon the dasturdly beast with a look of Ahab in their eyes.

As they move in for the kill the dasturd.......

[FIGJAM]

fled with the mob in hot persuit.

Meanwhile Sparkle was having a twirl in deep playa when she bumped into someone.

When she turned she saw a big, hairy, cloven hoofed, demon.

"That is the most awesome costume I've ever seen!!!" and she reached out to touch the shaggy coat.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, can I honk your breasts. You see it's polite to ask before you go touching somebody, and what do you mean costume."

"You mean that's not a costume, EEEEWWWWWWWW, your a real big, hairy colven hoofed, demon?"

"What the fuck do you mean EEEEWWWWWWWW? A second ago you thought I was awwsome, and now that I'm exactly what I appear to be suddenly you're all EEEEWWWWWWWWW."

"Well, I just did'nt expect..."

"Jeez, you're at burning man and YOU did'nt expect!!! Tell me Snotty..."

"It's Sparkle actually"

"Whatever,what DID you expect?"

"Well, I don't know, ugh you stink!"

"There you go again with the snap judgements!!! We're downwind from those porto's over there. If we were on the other side I would smell like nutmeg and purple cush. But you did'nt bother to find out, now did you? Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Oh yes, and I love him sooooooo much!!!!!"

"What's loveable about him?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"What kind of answer is that? Tell me 10 things that are loveable about your boyfriend."

"Well, I never really thought about it before..."

"I'm sorry to hear that, and I don't have time to go into that right now. Gotta meet Simon over at the Root zoo. My names Ambrose. Maybe we'll meet again when you grow the fuck up."

And he loped off into the raising white out, leaving Sparkle to wonder.....

[Simon of the Playa]

ambrose by any other name....

[FIGJAM]

would smell.

The next mourning, Sparkle was still pondering last nights strange exchange thinking...

[FIGJAM]

"I BUMPED into a big, hairy, cloven hoofed demon on the playa and did'nt even ask..."

[maryanimal]

...if he could give me directions to the nearest coven of wiley ceyotes...

[burner von braun]

who were at the time, safely stored in filing cabinets on the Warner Bros. backlot, under the watchful eye of ygmir's friend Looney Tunes. Each troublemaking coyote lived out their individual life in their own unique, hand-drawn, two-dimensional universe, only vaguely aware of the many parallel universes which exist right next to them, separated by only the thinnest of tracing paper. Often they would question the meaning of life other than some sense that roadrunners made good eating, but accepted that maybe somehow, when all of these parallel universes were perceived as one, their lives would have purpose, and it would all make sense. They prayed for miracles from Acme, and paid homage to the creator, whose name they did not know, though ancient writings found in forgotten corners made mention of the one named Jones. They await the day when the filing cabinets will open again, and they will be released to wreak wiley havoc once more. Woe be to that day.

Sparkle meanwhile, lacking directions to Burbank, instead wandered off to other parts of the playa, content with her role in the universe, until she walked up to a large cryogenic chamber containing Walt Disney, which as many of you know, gets hauled out to Burning Man each year. This year though, it was placed a little too close to one of the burns, and he thawed out, popped open the hatch, looked around and..

[ygmir]

and, now dressed as Julie Andrews (his secret fetish), he began to sing:

[media]

the haunting melody, and mesmerizing verse, wafted down the playa, spreading as a beautiful can of paint, spilled for our joy.
The throngs of revelers came to a complete standstill, enraptured by the ethereal sounds.

At some point, and no one really knows when, at personage, held in high reverence, stood, and it was revealed he was none other than............

[Aurelia]

yes !
Good Morning

[ygmir]

yes !
Good Morning

that helps...............

[burner von braun]

I think the plot just thickened!

[FIGJAM]

Alfred threw a level at Walts feet and said: "WHAT FUCKING HILLS WALT! The Playa has to be one of the flattest places on earth, except for all the lovely ladies. What are you on? You got some, I want some , gimme some!".........

[media]

[ygmir]

*Walt rolled his eyes*

"fuckin butler............shoo, now, Batman needs you for something*

and with that, Walt began walking across the playa.
"tough place to come out of cryogenic freeze into". he chuckled to himself.

now, we all know it was only Walts head that was frozen, so many years ago.
Luckily, from the secret "skunk works" of Disney studios, he was still able to move about and what converse. Though, his appearance had changed, he still had his sense of humor.
so, as he turns to Zed, but, really speaking to all Burners within earshot, he spake thusly:

[media]

[Simon of the Playa]

little did they know, Julie Andrews was actually the Mother of Dragons.

[media]

[Aurelia]

Good Mothers of
continue to morph

[H.G.Crosby]

say my name, he said...

[media]

[maryanimal]

my name is Sir Oscar Homolka, master of all things...

[FIGJAM]

shiney....

[maryanimal]

...and as those words left his lips, a shiney object appear on the horizon and drifted toward Sir Oscar. The shiny orb waft it's way until it looked to be right in front of him. inside the orb stood a willowy figure. the figure seemed to have stepped out of the shiny object and stared at sir
Oscar. sir Oscar bent down on one knew, bowed his head and said...

[ygmir]

Klaatu barada nikto

[Simon of the Playa]

"welcome to ShineyPants!"

[media]

NARF!

[ygmir]

and, as the Mus Musculous duo, plot and plan, we are reminded of another pair of of intellectual overlords, whose attempts at usurping world power and dominating for generations to come, thanks to advanced mental cybor-synaptic connection to the virtual terra-ologarcy .

of course, not knowing they are exposed, to general discernment, they live life, plot, and scheme, from a safe haven, on the eastern seaboard.
One, a violin playing wack a doodle, the other, an intellectual colossus from a namesake villiage



some, know them in the guise of early television pioneers, others from an obscure message board related to some camping trip in a desert out west...........

T.H.E.Y know them as:

[Roberto Dobbisano]

a nun, a miss.

[media]

[FIGJAM]

bump

[ygmir]

and so ended another day on the playa.
but as the sun rose, morn of the next, blazing orange, seemingly as hot as the fire in the eyes of that demon woman, the wicked temptress from a far away land bid:
What ho? Playafolken.
Greet the day with a smirk and a smile, so we know as soon as I can get ready, I will reveal sights, unto you, exquisite and titillating by nature, inversely prosaic and magnificent, by orders of magnitude.

with that, a flash of light, and a puff of smoke and:
Whalla!!!

........................................................