Was I wrong about BM? Newbie struggles w/ disappointment

[Badger]

Ranger:Genius!

Why does it not surprise me that this sage was the one who appeared when needed to deal with an asshat?

He's one of the many reasons I make no apologies for Rangering.

[PetsUntilEaten]

I realize we're talking about "yahoos" and other perceived extremes - but I do want to remind you that BRC is not a bunch of huggy, happy hippies.

In my experience & understanding of the citizens of BRC - only some of them are open armed hippies & neo-hippies. I tell people to expect people to meet them half way (which is great by default standards) - but they won't be met with open arms.

I came to the playa with friendly pranksters - ever time someone tells me a story on the playa I take it for that - a story - or er . . . lie.

I was connected to a strange village that held The Lost Children of Farceland, Monkey Chant & the Hee Bee Gee Bee Healers. It was a funny balance of all those various kinds of people you find throughout the city. Though Farcelanders aren't the "fuck you you fucking fuck" kind - they would laugh & enjoy the sentiment. They are the hard drinking, smoking, burning types. HBGB - well they are super crunchy healers.

I believe in that diverisity even when it causes strain -

In fact about 30 large stones were moved from the Medicine Wheel - in order to postion them around a guy who had passed out there. Needless to say the HeeBees who had prefromed a ceremony to place them wanted to know what happened. One Farcelanders response was - I can't name names but I will say it was done in good fun.

And when the Farceland Rawk band "Banned Rehersal" was bumped from the variety show - they made up songs like "Acro-balancing is Gay" and "Poly Kids Camp" I cried with laughter.

I like the "fuck you you fucking fuck" types - They are my favorite of all burners.

[jimbobby]

tears, beware the sophomore jinx


timing can be everything. If you meet the right new folks at the beginning of the week and continue to chill with them it colors your experience. If you go through a period, especially at the end of the week, without a good social vibe it can crush you. You need to finish well. Also, experiences compared year over year can compete. What if you had kick ass neighbors last year but so so ones this year? This would affect how you feel about the current year even though it is no real indicator of the event as a whole. What if you just happened to see more cops this year? What if your E was bunk? What if your beer just got skunky? What if your social interactions had you in camp so much that you saw little art? Would you not be inclined to say there was less art? I think all it takes is a few out of whack experiences toward the end of the week, when we are all very tired emotionally and physically, to color our whole experience.

I did not have the best year but, as I decompress, I am beginning to get a more objective view of why and as a result I am blaming the burn less and less.

[AntiM]

I'd never have done it if I hadn't known Genius had my back. Standing in front of an aggressive SUV is pretty damn dumb even for me at my most crazed. I wasn't planning that, it just happened. We could have had our first vehicular homicide on the playa thread. Or you folks could have done so.

At least she went to the back of the line and waited her turn.

[paillette]

Glad not to have to have a vehicular homicide thread, AntiM. Your tales of SUV-chastising and of pendant-distribution are truly lovely. Glad Genius was there, for you and for all our sakes.

[Lydia Love]

psssst! AntiM, the lovely pendant you gave me is one of two gifts i will wear year round... it's so beautiful! I have it on right now on a chain with a teensy glass vial of dust.

smooch!

[saint_al]

This was my second burn; I don't drink. Hooboy, did I ever feel excluded from *most* camps.
Did anyone else notice that BM seemed extra booze-heavy this year? The tipplers clustered w/ other drunks and this sort of decision-making limited social interaction (or seemed to).
Otherwise, it was a fine burn in need of more art, non-boring *and* non-techno music, and fewer yahoos.

[HughMungus]

Perhaps someone out there can help me.

Burning Man is a lot better when you go with like-minded people. There will always be people at BM with whom you won't agree or get along with (e.g., morons who think Burning Man is nothing more than a party or, like you said, a big singles bar). Believe it or not, there are a lot of people out there like you who aren't sexually available who you could hang out with. Some of the most fun times I've had on the playa were with married women who I just hung out with with zero possibility of anything beyond goofing around, talking, etc.

Burning Man is also a lot better when you're part of a camp, doing something, even if you arrive alone and become part of someone else's camp (preferrably with prior consent).

Regarding sexuality -- some things are archetypes that are hard to get away from.

I met a girl on the way out who was telling me how great her burn was this year and how terrible it was last year (her first). Keep trying. Burning Man is so populous now that you have to find your tribe (within the tribe that is Burning Man).

[madmatt]

...it will be more geared to the art and community thing and less of the rave thing. I DO love a good party, but I also wish to leave inspired till next year as I did the last 2 previous years

I think it's still so much what you make of it. I actually found the atmosphere this year to be really mellow. I and my entire camp partyed like it was 1999, but in our nightly wanderings, I don't think we spent an hour in total at the big dance areas. We were all so happy to be there together and amusing ourselves and inspecting the small things and meeting people and chatting around burn barrels and playing glow frisbee under the full moon...

Avoiding the yahoos and ravers at BM is now easier as the big dance areas get bigger and bigger - BECAUSE THEY ALL GO THERE! The cool thing is, all the cops gather around them and along the esplanade too.

There was one dance party type situation that really moved me to tears - on the esplanade, about 50 people dancing in front of the giant LED wall, while the DJ played funky retro disco flavor break beats (no thumpa-thumpa). My fiance never dances at BM, but she did that time and it was great. The collective joy at that spot was overwhelming. No yahoos either - it wasn't big or noisy enough.

[cobwebbywings]

2004 was my third burn and I have never run into a single yahoo or fratboy. I did have a bad experience with a snobby veteran and I have been disappointed at times, especially in 2003, mostly by the lack of art and by the weather. I agree that your experience is what you make it, and I think the key factor for me the past 3 years has been that I have always gone with a small group of close friends, at least 2 of which have attended 1 year longer than I have. My advice to newbies is go with at least one person you are very close to that has experience and stay with them as much as you can. Even if you have been before, it seems to me it would always be better to go with friends. I can't imagine going alone. Of course that's just me...

[cobwebbywings]

having said that I did notice more women wearing the exact same outfit (hotpants and platform boots)than ever this year and I got hit with the "you're not fuckable so don't waste my time" attitude for the first time as well. Being friends with a VERY fuckable girl that looks great in said outfit didn't help either. I think Burning Man is going through a phase and who knows what will happen in years to come.

[shitmouse]

a lot of the magic i think a lot of you are talking about are peope's contributuions to the event. themselves and their art.
i also think that the economy has taken a bit of a bite out of playa art.

in '98 for example, it was the booming dot.com era and people had cash.
i saw a LOT of really cool person-by-person art non-sponsored and brought by the individuals. THAT to me makes the playa hop.
when it boils down to just large art installations, then it caters to more of a spectator stance. if more people built or made *something*, it would make a difference for sure.
that year the vibe was "check out what i made!", and the weather was perfect. -(which also has a HUGE part in people's moods, energy, etc. -- the things that make or break).

hopefully more people will start discovering tools and making art. maybe more words to promote more art. -(although "participate" is nothign new).

recently a friend of mine tried to take a welding class in santa cruz. the class was full and he couldn't get in. it made me feel good as just a few year's ago, all the tech classes were full. now it's welding. (thanks monster garage?)

too, the group of artists that have brought influencing factors to the burn in the past, have metal shops to utilize and tools at their hands. not evryone has the means to use shops with heavy equipment, so the slow departure of these founding people will probably have a (negative) impact to a degree of the art we love on the playa.

i *was* bummed to see the lotus flower burning get shut down by the local officials last year, hopefully that type of safety dance won't runamok and turn the "radically different" into insanely safe humane.
-b

[tundratommy]

Please, please help me believe that BM can be what I thought it was.
====

I have always found that the playa teaches. Every year for 8 years, I have learned something. Usually something that has substantially changed my life.

Without fail, as I drive down the last miles towards Gerlach, I get butterflies in my stomach...wondering in anticipation what this year will teach me.

What I have NEVER been able to do is predict what I needed to learn.

It sounds to me that you had somethings you "expected" to learn, expected to take away, expected to be taught, expected to be experienced.

By virtue of you post and your interest in BM it is clear you are ready to learn what the playa has to teach. However, it's possible that you:
a) haven't yet identified what lesson you are to learn
b) want to work on a different set of lessons.

...
on a subtle, and seemingly unrelated note, I'd like to address this part of your post:

"what I thought it was"

Upon further reflection, this should desire for BM to "be" something seems strange, because BM, the Playa, is nothing. The playa, BM, ebb and flow from blank slate to thriving city to blank slate. There is no "it" for "it" to be. It is difficult for me to put into words, but ponder for a moment a city that exists for a week, filled with citizens from around the globe, uncoordinated. And you expect that to be predictable?

Like all art - which mirrors life or vice versa - our experience is generated by our reaction/perception more than by the art itself.

So, maybe a different question:

what do you need to learn?

[Gary Curran]

Hey,

I am sorry that you feel that you didn't enjoy the Burning Man experience. You went with the right attitude, you displayed qualities admirable in a BRC citizen, you appreciated the art. Sounds like things fell down in the people you met. I suppose 30 thousand plus individuals is a very good demographic, sure there are spectators there , people there because they think its a cool place to be seen etc, people who the oil to BM's water, and yes it can be annoying. Ideally burning man would be all things to all people, and its ethos would be expressed with every verbal nuance , physical or artistic display.

What I would focus on however is your personnal journey through the week, what brought you joy , happiness, provoked emotions good or bad. In my three years of going to Burning man, I have returned to those mindsets in various parts of the Playa, sometimes its here, when in such a space, that you meet some of the most thrilling , interesting , diverse people you could ever meet. Burning Man is an organism , its citizens are just one of its organs. For me certain parts of the experience have intensified in power rather than waned. It is a strong almost magnetic draw that takes me from the Emerald Isle to what I consider my personal spiritual home.

Without trying to sound patronising, from what you describe you have a lot of positives to take from BM 04, relish them . Its good to acknowledge the negative sides though, it balances your perspectives. I hope you return in 05. Best of luck with processing the experience.

G

[theCryptofishist]

I got over it by going to the Center Cafe the next day and handing out every single one of my personally handmade glass and stone wire wrap pendants to each person who walked by who wanted to have one.

I love leopardskin jasper, so I was so thrilled by my wire-wrapped HUNK of it.
tCf.

[StonedHeart-BleedingBrain]

Come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feed from experience, change the energy, and make what you make, your own creation, that is what art is, anything you can create, anything.

Take the word from Primus "Its just a matter of Opinion" your's means the same as everyone

I let someone get to me this year, and then the playa hit me in the face, Ashes to Ashes, Words to dust

Come find me for uncertainties, we will Rock and we will play

Though it seems alot of us turn to cavemen on the playa, the old club on the head routine(this day its rufi's and molly) same idea though

I on the other hand found my soul-mate this last year and am pretty damn certain she's gonna be the one, and by the way fuck the rumor on the playa you can't fall in love it won't work. My only answer to that is fate.

You have soul-power and that is exactly what the family needs, Do your own thing Don't use your brain so much you just might get a gray hair.
TAke Care- Hope to see you in about 250 days.. ALRIGHT

[paillette]

Hello all, and thank you kindly for your feedback. I guess I need to gear up for a little more extroversion and "seeking of the tribe" mentality next time around. But you have convinced me that there are lots of people at BM whom I'd love meeting and hanging out with --- and that's really what I wanted to learn from this thread. Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts, your support, and your love. I'll be lookin' for you.

[pyrosculptress]

i understand, this is my third year, and the best, it is very clicky, but you need to find your sacred space our camp is wonderful, and i am now staying away from large theme camps they tend to be pretentious and overly stimmulating. that is my experiance, this year i camped with friends and loved ones and my husband and i had a wicked sacred space and camp and community, also it is amazing to volunteer and meet true burners vs. frat boys. this year was beautiful and difficult there is always negitivity if you search for it, please stay true to the event and make it yours you will then only find beauty in all things....

we chose to stay away from large theme camps and choose a family community that was open to all peoples....in the past i have noticed that if your not in the same financial bracket/color or sexual lifestyle you were rudly pushed aside...

dont give up,,,through eplaya you will find support and ignore the assholes!!!! chin up my sister....i understand.

Pyrosculptress

[Marmot]

But what REALLY disappointed me --- here's the key point --- is the degree to which this single-minded singles-bar mentality on the playa overwhelmed most other possible social interactions. I am not sexually available, and because of this I experienced a lot of brush-offs from people who apparently felt that the only social transaction worth their time was one that had the potential to end in getting laid. Thoughtful conversation, generous smiles, genuine curiosity about other people... these things were woefully absent. Instead it all seemed to come down to: Is this person fuckable or not?

Amen Sister. If the swinger vibe was ever heavier in the previous 4 years, I didn't notice it. My wife is just not into Burningman, and so doesn't come with me. Finding amazing commradery and art have never been a problem in years past, but this year, I had to search a lot harder for the crazy personalities and moving art. As a sexual have-not at Burningman, the meat market vibe was crushing me (aggrevated by porno movie style orgasms immenating from the Orgasmatron next door. A friend suggested I refocus on the art, and it helped. I had great conversations with an old hippie and a virgin on top of Flight to Mars, and those little moments were the best this year. But I fail to see how dressing up in fuzzy clothes, getting wasted on e and makking with strangers amplifies the Vault of Heaven vibe. And don't get me started on the stupid party buses that troll for drunken frat boys and girls. No different than the local radio station's Reggae Booze Cruise brought to you by the Morning Zoo Crew shock jocks eeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

But. perhaps you saw the potential. If Burning Man is to offer more, it is up to those of us who found it lacking this year. I will be back... armed with art and ready to fuck with people's heads....

--Marmot

[Good Karma]

A lot of the burning man experience starts with your camp and the people who live with you. It sounds like you were prepared for the experience but you didn't mention what camp you were with or any at all. My first year I was with the SoloCollective which is made of up Solo travelers from all over the world. I can't say enough about this camp, they rocked and instilled in me a newbie that it is our responsiblity is to participate and not spectate. Our motto was "Burning Man is your fault!". The Solocollective had over 285 members and grew too big to handle and broke up into many smaller camps. This year I decided on joining a camp that was closer to where I live, ShangriLa Villiage which is made up of San Diego Burners. Not only did I join a top notch camp but now I have many friends who live close to me and we see each other every chance we get. There is nothing like hanging with you playa friends in your own home town.
Anyway, my point is the camp you join will have the largest effect on your burning man experience.

[Rob the Wop]

... armed with art and ready to fuck with people's heads....

--Marmot

Now THIS is a good attitude, my friends.

[sputnik]

Thoughtful conversation, generous smiles, genuine curiosity about other people... these things were woefully absent. Instead it all seemed to come down to: Is this person fuckable or not?

Please, help me to see the "other" Burning Man I expected.

One day Snuggletown was holding a seminar on Female Orgasm for men. A friend suggested we go. We arrived late and the place was packed. We hung outside the dome for a while, then he went into a nearby tent. He poked his head out a few minutes later and invited us to join him. We then spent the next hour or so in conversation with the most amazing person I met the whole time. It was really great, and the people in snuggletown are just wonderful. Someone even noticed I had a bit of burn and took some time to rub my back with aloe. It felt soooo good.

I had another good experience when I participated in a scavenger hunt sponsored by "Mission Possible". In the end it was all about getting you to interact with people you wouldn't have met otherwise. Very cool.

This was my first burn and I learned that you just need to talk with people and you might find something interesting.

[paillette]

Here's some information from the "springbreakers" thread that seems relevant to the "Is this person fuckable or not" element I encountered:

Blame it on E! Not that E... but E for "Entertainment Television"..... I think those extra 5,000 or so tickets sold can be in part attributed to BM's appearance on the E top ten party spots...

AND:

I just saw Burningman on "Wild On"'s Top 10 Party spots
between Oktoberfest in Munich at Number 8
and Las Vegas's Pimp n Ho Ball at Number 6

Sputnik: I wanted to go to the scavenger hunt! Even set out for it, but somehow got sidetracked along the way... can't remember how. Sounds like fun!

[skypilot]

the larger things get, the more impersonal they generally become. Hope you have a better burn if you decide to go next year.

[HughMungus]

I will be back... armed with art and ready to fuck with people's heads....

--Marmot

YES!!!

[spongemonkey]

I really have to agree with everyone speaking of having 'no expectations' for their experience on the playa.
I really don't think you can go looking for a magical or mystical or earth shattering experience. By their very nature, they happen when least expected, and in the most unlikely of places and situations. If you could go and find them with a map, everyone would and their magic would be lost.

This was my 5th year out there and was easily one of my best trips to BRC ever. I went in this year with almost ZERO expectations.
I mean, I knew I planned on having a good time, but that was about it.
My only real thing in mind was that my camp was going to be bigger than ever and filled with newbies, most of whom I didn't know.

It turned out that the people in my camp and others I interacted with this year was really what made it for me. I didn't notice any lack of art cars or big installations or anything like that, mainly because I wasn't looking for such things. I was much more on a human level, than interested in some "thing" to wow me.

Anyhow, you sound like just the right kind of person to come back to BRC. Just prepare for what you can, and leave the rest up to chance.

[swampdog]

I've realized today that I've been avoiding eplaya since I got back and I'm figuring out why. I had a great burn, best ever (joke: it was my first) but there's a nagging something that I can't put my finger on.

Part of it is self-doubt. Did I miss The Best Stuff? The little jewels of sweet and special interactions that I had, was I missing God His Nasty Self just over on the other side of the playa?

But I think it's the big parties. A party's a party, they're not magically more inclusive and wonderful for being out on the playa. I had some great moments at big parties (Mutaytor was fantastic, Club Verboten was a lot of fun) but it was mostly little moments in big parties, like where I'd dance and bounce a vibe off someone who'd bounce it back. Otherwise, I felt like the same wallflower I did at college parties.

And, like it or not, the night time experience is really dominated by the big parties. Ironically, for all the talk of yahoos and "only here for the party" types, during the first part of the week there was a certain hollowness of big camps waiting for the crowds to bring them to life.

I found that I had to force it sometimes, ask someone for a hug when I needed one. I went to learn about myself and how to be bigger and I think I learned a lot. Earlier in the week I focussed more on moments and flashes of connectedness, later in the week I tried to go deeper.

Sorry for the rambling post, it's really helping me to think through this. I think being a solo first timer I went "small" this year, a watcher, my radio set on "receive", trying to give and share in small intimate ways. Next year, if I go, I'm going to be big and bouncy, broadcasting on all channels.

I've been reliving my treasured playa moments as I write this - little gems of interaction with people at their best. I guess I'm just greedy, I want MORE of that, all the time.

[rico thunder]

This was my eleventh year. (I missed 1996, the Hellco/Medivac year.) In 1993 it seemed like a slightly wacky camping trip. I helped start Costco and for seven years I've helped run it. This year, was the only year I've not felt magically enchanted by the Burning Man experience.

I had the blackest day I've ever had on the playa (maybe off the playa too) on Tuesday this year after several bad interactions with burners. I was up early as usual and peddled around the city and didn't get the usual barage of hellos and good mornings. No big deal. I went to several camps to receive a pretty luke warm welcome, a coupla bars open in the early morning where they largely had fun at my expense. Then I went back to camp and started the generator for coffee and breakfast.

While I was out there, a guy in a pickup inexplicably parked between Hanamanun Ville and Costco asked me if I was using this space. Huh? That I'm standing in? Where the generator is? He gestured vaguely at the space where his truck was parked. Well, actually, I explained, Costco extended down the line of flags right under half of his truck. Yeah, but are you using it? he asked. Are you with our next door neighbor's camp? I asked. I wanna set up a shower here, he said. A shower? Here? What? Well, with the shower and frankly, me, he gestured, it's gonna bring in the chicks. What? Are you serious, I asked. Hey, gotta have a way to bring in the chick, yo? You can't camp here, I told him. I just want to set up the shower, not camp. I explained how we were a registered theme camp, had prepared and applied months actually years earlier, blah blah blah. So are you using that space, he gestured to the space behind the counches by the generator. No, you can't use that space either. I'm camped at like Saturn, dude, it sucks and no one comes out there, he lamented. No, dude, you're gonna have to go back to Saturn and try to lure the chicks out there. He called me a fucking asshole and peeled out in his truck down the esplanade.

I know this is just one incident in a city full of kindness and generosity, but I just didn't feel it this year. I had a serious crisis of faith. I didn't feel as much creativity, as much generosity, or as much joy. There were fewer theme camps this year and less interaction than ever. We weren't the only dark spot on the esplanade this year. Seems most blocks along the esplanade were filled with camps who set up a big shade structure for themselves and sat around waiting for the party.

If it weren't for my responsibilities at Costco, I would have manuvered the truck out of our camp and left for home. I don't say that lightly, and I've never felt that before. I've gone to the event in much worse state fo mind than this year, and seldom better, so it doesn't seem to just be my attitude. Instead of leaving, I layed in my truck and cried for the whole morning.

It is hard to seperate one's experience, from how one effects and is effected by that experience. Every year I go I am so different that it is hard to compare. But but but, it did seem less friendly, less interactive, less interesting. It is our city and I'd like to find a way to turn that tide. Or maybe I've outgrown the event or it has outgrown me. Maybe next year is the year I do something completely different from Burning Man.

Rico

[M-Files]

Quote from Rico:
Instead of leaving, I layed in my truck and cried for the whole morning.


Then you should have brought your sopping wet teddy bear self over to my camp for a big hug, my boy. You've contributed way too much to the playa over the years to deserve that. Actually, had I known you were that upset, I would have come over with that hug myself.

No doubt, the playa is changing. It's infested with predators and other assorted assholes. Stories of women being sexually assaulted are running amuck. It's a sad but inevitable part of the event's explosive growth over the years.

The simple advice is this: Be prepared to deal with the assholes. It is no different than being prepared for Spring Break in Florida, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, Bachelor Party in Las Vegas, Frat Boy Week in Laramie, WY, etc. We have to face up to the fact that the secret is out about our blessed little event. The 'undesirables' have heard about it and they aren't going to forget about it any time soon.

That doesn't mean you can no longer enjoy yourself at BM. It just means that when you're approached by somebody at BM, that person is not necessarily as 'genuine' as yourself. Be prepared to deal with a potential jerk.

Hugs,
M-Files

[paillette]

Rico, your story is pretty heartbreaking. I didn't have the first-time experience I had hoped for, but if I were to decide never to go to BM again then I haven't really lost something, as you have. To have a long-term emotional investment in this community, and then feel that the connection is broken, must be hard.

I keep reading negative stories about this year and wonder:
(A) Is this a typical level of bitching, or higher than normal?
(B) If BM really was worse than usual, is it a long-term downward trend? OR
(C) An aberration: BM was "hot" this year among a certain set of thoughtless party-ers who will move on to something else next year.