2012 Ticket Scorekeeping Thread

[theCryptofishist]

Tucked in Open Discussion so that fewer people will run into it.

[Edited by moderator to add last year's disclaimer]
I'm a bit concerned about the scorekeeping responses to the ticket seeker threads. While I think they're hilarious, I think that to new new/unwashed masses they're coming off a little too mean-spirited. I know all the radical lack of self-reliance is getting a bit overwhelming, but let's try and give folks a fighting chance at putting two and two again before we fire all starboard snark cannons

I suspect that any of the new crop of ticket-seeker signups who actually look outside the tickets boards and find this thread will find this thread, and having done a little poking around on the boards now can see that a) ePlaya has a ton of great stuff, and b) holy crap those ticket threads are everywhere. and can see this thread and the notion of scorekeeping as good-natured fun. (NOTE TO NEW FOLKS: this is all in the spirit of cacaphony and good-natured fun).

Getting married at the burn: 25 points, double that if they never even went to the burn before.
Airy Fairy language about dancing or souls or sharing: 100 pts.

I know there's a lot I'm missing here…

Scoring chart

Desperation level:
- "Must" go this year + 25pt
- "need" + 20pt (each)
- Use of "desperate" + 20pt
- The universe is telling them to go + 50pt
Keywords (each use):
- "miracle" + 50pt
- "pray" + 10pt
- "love" + 25pt
- "dream" + 10pt
- "hoping" + 10pt
- "connect" / "reconnect" + 50pt
- "manifest" + 75pt
- "overwhelmed" + 50pt
- "journey" + 25pt
- "incredible" / "unbelievable" + 25pt
- "opportunity" + 10pt
- "sharing" + 10pt

Sentimental reasons:
- "Want to come home" + __pt (+__ bonus for exact wording)
- Playa is home + __pt
- Clear out negative feelings + __pt
- Good for soul + __pt
- Open doors + __pt
- Bring love + __pt
- Amazing experience + __pt
- Something "lost" or missing + __pt
- Playa is the "real world" + __pt
- Birthday gift + __pt
- Getting married/divorced + 25pt
- Getting married/divorced again! + 25pt (each time)
- Prove negative feelings wrong + __pt
- Gone for many years + __pt per year
- Family reunion + __pt
- Fairy language about dancing or souls sharing + 100pt

Praises for others:
- Amazing people + __pt
- Welcoming community + __pt
- Magical people or place + __pt
- "The playa will provide" + __pt
- Faith in generosity of others + __pt

Credentials and reasons (check all that apply):
- Boyfriend/girlfriend has ticket, you don't: + __pt
- States age + __pt
- Virgin burner + __pt
- Artist + __pt
- Making film + __pt
- DJ + __pt
- Military veteran + __pt
- Mother/father + __pt
- Medical problems + __pt
- Poor student + __pt
- Former BM volunteer + __pt
- Current BM volunteer + __pt
- General volunteering + __pt
- Buying for family member + __pt

Blamestorming and other excuses:
- Lack of funds + __pt
- Didn't know it would sell out + __pt
- Not a rich person + __pt
- Traveling from different country + __pts
- Ticket fiasco + 25pt (+ 35 pt if it turns into a rant)

Prior contributions:
- Prior attendance (__pt x claimed years attended)
- Part of a project + __pt
- Once was a DJ at BM + __pt
- Part of "major camp" + __pt

Insults and hate:
- Hates non-contributors: + __pt
- Hates pseudo-burners: + __pt
- Fashionista: e.g. hates cargo pants: + __pt
- Hates scalpers + __pt
- Hates playa virgins + __pt
- Hates capitalism + __pt
- Hates "tourists" + __pt
- Hates RVs + __pt

Style points:
- First post ever + __pt
- Purity bonus: multiple posts, but only for begging: + __pt each new thread
- "Namaste" + __pt
- "Hugs" + __pt
- Picture of self + __pt
- Any keyword in parting words + __pt per word
- Long story + __pt per paragraph
- Posts phone number + 25pt

Over-the-top:
- "Deserves" to go + __pt
- Returns to gloat after receiving ticket + __pt
- Generosity reversal (deigns to take your ticket) + __pt
- Name-drops self + __pt
- Ticket is "karma repayment" + __pt

Repeat customer bonus:
- Number of years asking for free ticket: + __pt (each year)
- Claimed years having received free ticket: + __pt (each year)

Ticket multiplier:
- Need 1 ticket 1x
- Need 2 tickets 1.1x
- Need 3 tickets 1.25x
- Need > 3 tickets 1.5x

Price multiplier:
- Greater than face value 0.5x
- Face value + trade 0.75x
- Face value 1x
- Lower tier ticket 1.5x
- Free ticket 3x
- Trade worthless service (e.g. fresh vegetable chef) 5x
- Wants early entry 5x

Sock multiplier/bonus:
- Uses a sock to beg for more tickets + 1x each additional sock
- Uses the same text to beg + __pt (per use as another sock!)

[catinthefunnyhat]

This might fall into the "airy fairy language about souls" category, but I think there should be some points awarded when everything is telling someone to go, whether that be external (everything they've learned/everything that's happened to them this year) or internal (everything in their soul/spirit/being/heart, or every cell/fibre in their body). It must be nice to live in a world/mind/body where everything is in such accord!

If someone wants to marry their soul mate, does that count as Mawwiage, Mawwiage, Mawwiage and Airy-Fairy Language About Souls?

[theCryptofishist]

Oh, totally, "The Universe is Telling me to Go" 50 pts.

No, the Universe is utterly indifferent to your experience. Solipsism is not sustainable... It only shows how "not evolved" you are: http://aidanmoher.com/blog/wp-content/u ... aphics.png

[Drawingablank]

I was wondering how long it would take to see the 2012 version. The list seems way shorter than the 2011 scorecard though.

[catinthefunnyhat]

I was wondering how long it would take to see the 2012 version. The list seems way shorter than the 2011 scorecard though.

I haven't seen the 2011 one. Were ticket-askers more creative last year, or were ePlayans more diligent in dissecting their posts?

We've got a few months to go yet. Maybe we'll see some more variety begin to emerge.

[catinthefunnyhat]

"Needing" (as opposed to wanting really badly, which is what we all do) to go to BM should be worth a few points, too.

Points for including your telephone number or a clickable email address.

Pulling the "potential volunteer" card. That's worth at least what.. 5 begging points?

If you hadn't said anything about yourself, someone would have compained about that.

Points for (a) playing the volunteer/artist/contributor card, or (b) not offering a contribution. Yes, both. Equally. I realize that they will cancel each other out, but the "damned if you do, damned if you dont"-ness of it all is probably a helpful reminder that this is all in the spirit of silliness and, to borrow Fishy's terminology, cacophony, as well as a chastening bit of self-mockery.

Points for radical lack of self-awareness, like the guy who complained that he lacked the documentation necessary to apply for LIT because he'd not been paying his taxes. (Is there a word that means "lack of self-awareness"? It's probably German... they've got all the good psych words).

[trilobyte]

I'll put on the mod hat and edit Fishy's post to add the disclaimer we had last year, as well as the scoring system from last year.

[catinthefunnyhat]

to borrow Fishy Trilobyte's terminology

Damn; missed my editing window. Sorry, Trilo!

[AntiM]

I would like to think that if the Universe is telling you to go, the Universe would have made sure you had a ticket.

You can't have it both ways.

[lemur]

mentioning the situation with tickets in 2012 in overtly negative terms or ones that blame folks..

such as "ticket fiasco" +25 points

ranting about the "ticket fiasco" +35

[Simon of the Playa]

+25 for leaving your cell phone number in a public forum...

[Ugly Dougly]

Burn your ticket now before the zombies get it!

[catinthefunnyhat]

Poe's Law is an axiom suggesting that it's difficult, if not impossible, to distinguish between parodies of religious or other fundamentalism and its genuine proponents, since they both seem equally insane.

I had been thinking that there should be an equivalent law for parodies of gimmeticket threads and their genuine counterparts.

But then I clicked through to the 2011 scorecard and found jenkalea's satirical "gimme ticket" post. It had me giggling out loud. It may be difficult to distinguish them, but it's not impossible (yet).

Oh, I noticed that in the old scorecard there were points for promising to save the world. This year, we need to add points for having already saved the world.

[trilobyte]

I cleared out last year's point values and added a modified version of last year's list (including the stuff from above).

[Elderberry]

Based on how quickly that post in Dutch got a response and a ticket, posting in a foreign language should be high on the points list.

It might be fun to start a thread where everyone competes to compose the best/worst (i.e. highest scoring) begging for a ticket post.

[5280MeV]

I like this one from ApolloPan that actually made me laugh:

Well, hello and load your snark cannons, I'm prostrating myself on eplaya without lube.

-500 for not using lube

[wh..sh]

What about "Single females" who want to go to burning man?
Are they not worth anything? Sheesh!!!!!

[theCryptofishist]

But do we score them higher if they are apparently offering sexual services, or if they had no clue that that's how it might be read?

[theCryptofishist]

I'd forgotten how wonderful that scoring system was (and comprehensive!). Whose work was that? lemur's?

[theCryptofishist]

*snip*
northbay burner wishing for a miracle! *Snip* I started to get this feeling like the bus I was supposed to get on and didn't, was the one I knew I absolutely needed to be on and that it might be passing me by. I understand fully if it's my path to not attend this year, but thats not said and done yet, and I'm still going to try like hell.

I will pay asking price for a ticket no matter what I have to do. Two would be exponential(note: Does that mean s/he would pay asking price squared, or just bad at math?), I would really like to bring my parter, who has never gone to experience it....and thus understand me better & be universally inspired by the ways in which have forever changed me*snip* I am a henna artist and would also offer to apply my work anywhere on the playa you see fit.*snip*: childcare, builder, barrista, make-up artist, hair stylist, fire dancer, go go dancer, coreographer, photographer, videographer, painter, bartender, cleaner (not totally preffered, but im great at it and dammit i'll do it!) .......I can make costumes! pitch anything else to me (some exceptions apply , i'll make it work. I make people happy, its what I do for a living, its what I'm going to do for you and any other person that crosses my path whether that includes going to the playa or not....but it would be awesomely grand!

Big Bless- muchos besos para la looksky!

So does s/he get extra points for that bizarre mix of Spanish and Russian?

[catinthefunnyhat]

What about "Single females" who want to go to burning man?
Are they not worth anything? Sheesh!!!!!

Yup, lots of points for noting that you're single and female. Likewise for young+female, two females, etc..... .

I have a few other suggestions of things that should be point-worthy. (Of course I do! I'm outta control...)

• For the "style" category: Use of non-standard colour or font size; use of all caps.
• Keywords: Bless/blessing, inspired
• Sentimental reasons: The playa/BM/BRC transformed/inspired me, made me who I am today.
• Credentials: I make people happy. My presence will be a gift. Dangling of sexual favours.
• Offering more than face value. Previously, this was a point-reducer (x0.5), but I propose that it should be worth extra points.

Illustrative case in point.

First paragraph: A long story and some invocation of the will of the universe. Now, as AntiM points out, you might think that if the universe wants you to go, it will find you a ticket, but this poster seems to have moved on from that to a more pragmatic approach: Try like hell to get a ticket, and if the universe doesn't want you to go, it will prevent you from getting one. Maybe the "invoking the universe" points should be reduced for allowing the universe a little bit of laziness and indifference.

Second paragraph: The good stuff. Offering useless services (multiple!) as well as some useful ones (throwing it all out there to see what sticks. Bonus for coyly suggesting that you're probably not offering sexual favours). Offering more than face value (two tickets would be "exponential" -- literally? That could get pricy, fast). Credentials: Making people happy (for a living! Maybe she's a clown..). Sentimental reason: The playa made her who she is today. Her darling, who has never been, will never understand this until he experiences it himself (Bonus: She really wants him to go, but she'll throw him under the bus for a single ticket).

Style points: She uses "bless" in her sign-off. The post is in a nigh-unreadable shade of cyan (Bonus: she messed up the tags). First-ever post.

[theCryptofishist]

So, do we give extra points for putting something in the title? I mean "The Universe Wants Me to Go" as a title should be worth more than "Single Burner Doesn't Want to be Singed" with the universe wanting s/he to go in the body of the post.

[ygmir]

I'd offer huge points, to someone who gets snarky, right off the bat, and maybe insults us all:

"Fuck all of you, I want to go, and don't give a shit what you think"

"Fuck off, if you don't like me asking"

and, of course, if titled "Idiot, looking for a village, ned won tikett"

[AntiM]

After perusing the points list, I see we forgot "disabled military veteran/cancer survivor" combo. That has to be worth a gob of points.

I'm taking notes for next year.

[MyDearFriend]

After perusing the points list, I see we forgot "disabled military veteran/cancer survivor" combo. That has to be worth a gob of points.

I'm taking notes for next year.

Bwahahahahahahahaha,I can't wait to see that post! Namasfuckingtay, motherfucker!

[theCryptofishist]

Self-Declared "Goddess" (thank goodness men don't often call themselves "gods" ought to be worth some points as well. And men declaring female burners Goddesses are also extreamly suspect.
I'm not sure, but weren't we suppose to snark in here, instead of in her thread?

[catinthefunnyhat]

Yeah, I'm not sure everyone knows about this place yet.
She gets a lot of points.... declaring oneself to be a god(dess) should definitely be worth a lot. Bonus for doing it in the title. And that's on top of the points for declaring your gender as though it were ladies' night on the playa. PLUS there's the "clever" use of multicoloured text, reference to self-empowerment/personal growth...
Is listing the ways and places you want to move your hips worth anything? Does that count as "dangling sexual favours"?

[theCryptofishist]

Disco Shower Bar needs four tickets to happen? What a tragedy--I can't make it happen. Although, I confess that I'm just that teeny bit curious as to what a disco shower bar is? A disco ball shooting water?

[Drawingablank]

I think bonus points should be in order for those who didn't get a low income ticket, but now miraculously can afford to buy a regular ticket at face value.

Or who used the low income program as a back up plan after getting skunked in the lottery and are clueless enough to admit it.

[catinthefunnyhat]

I think bonus points should be in order for those who didn't get a low income ticket, but now miraculously can afford to buy a regular ticket at face value.

Or who used the low income program as a back up plan after getting skunked in the lottery and are clueless enough to admit it.

YES.