Top Asshats of 2012

[Lonesomebri]

2. My campmates who....hoarded a yellow bike in their tent.
3. Whoever stole my bike. Not cool. Never needed to lock my bike. This year I did on suggestion, and my baby is still gone.

On a related note, ran into this dude in line waiting for Pancakes. Someone else said that their bike had been stolen the night before. This dude then says, Here, take this bike, it's a gift. Then he told his tale of finding a yellow-green community bike out on the playa locked to a regular bike. It inflamed him so much he dragged both bikes across the playa to a camp that had bolt cutters. He placed the community bike back into circulation, and the bike it was locked to was the one he was now gifting. I asked if the moral of the story was that he stole someone's bike and was now giving it away. He convinced me otherwise and I ended up gifting him my real maple syrup.

[wh..sh]

Wow. The playa love wore off fast.

Sep 3rd 2012 12:30 PM - I sold playa love for a big, fat burrito.

[tummler]

Regarding the jacked-up kids, I will have to imagine that they were over-tired and hopped on energy drinks. Otherwise, I will cry.

[Zhust]

1., 2., 3., 4.

...

I'm thankful for this post to be able to vent, but I'm hoping that out of all that I experienced this year, will arise an expansion of positive people looking to bring the event back in the right direction.

You've got a good attitude about this. Don't let the bastards get you down.

[Chowski]

Only one. I came by myself this year, and hit playa at about 7:30 on Sunday night! Got into the city by 10 or so, and drove to my designated area: 7:30 and G (having camped in that hood before with my larger crew when we were a registered theme camp). Drove around, surprised by all the pre-reserved space on G, but found a wide-open field on H or I. No ropes, no flags - I know how this works. So, I parked - at least fifty feet from anyone else, and set out to check for flags, meet the neighbors, ask about direction of wind/sunset, etc. A few tents here and there, but only one person around who had also just arrived and was setting up - we agreed the area was clear for the taking. So I went back to the car and began unpacking my gear, hoping to get the tent up, but leave the shade construction for morning.

After about twenty minutes, some stinky hippy comes rushing up to my camp "Um, Dude, this area is reserved for (don't remember the name of the camp)". So I says "That's funny, because reserved theme camps are marked with flags or ropes, and there are CLEARLY no flags here, and there's no theme camp here or anywhere near here." The dirty Hippy comes back with "yeah, well, this is kinda reserved for their friends to camp. Is this your first burn?"

I had just driven eight hours, mostly unpacked my car, and in that moment I decided: I can stay right here, deal with this tired burner's expectations and disappointments all week, or get out and find better neighbors. So I packed up my car again, told him to have a nice burn, and moved one block over. And let me tell you - that was the best decision I made all week long. My neighbors were a wonderful mix of veterans and virgins, generous and open, and it was a real community.

I have very little patience any more for burners who've been burning too long - who cling so desperately to the way it was that they cannot accept the way it is. I know that, in that guy's mind, he saw me alone, in a car, and didn't want what he perceived to be a lone virgin guy camping near him.

For making me pack up on my car on Monday night, from a site which was not reserved, my Top Asshat of 2012 goes directly to the burnt out burner at 7:30 and G. I hope you got out of the way of your burn, and I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy any of the (if I may say so) awesome gifts, both physical and communal, I brought and shared, happily, with my killer neighbors at 7:15 and H.

[theCryptofishist]

Last year our truck died between Empire and Nixon. Managed to coast into a nice wide turnout, and guessed it was the battery crapping out. So fuck me for not having a cheap voltmeter, and maybe using it before we left town. We'd left BRC early Sunday, so the traffic wasn't bad on the Exodus trail, but there was steady stream going down 447.

Nobody stopped. Nobody rolled down a window and asked if we needed help. Nobody waved. Nobody even gave us the finger. WTF is wrong with people?

Yeah, I saw that when I was going in on Friday before gate and I lost the tread on my tires. It was a local who stopped. Well, maybe a Gerlach burner would be more accurate.

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

[maladroit]

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

Savin' it up for the playa!

[theCryptofishist]

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

Savin' it up for the playa!

I suppose they have to save every little drop from the other 51...

[maladroit]

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

Savin' it up for the playa!

I suppose they have to save every little drop from the other 51...

Some don't even manage to scrape enough together to get through Gate without harshing their Burn.

[Elderberry]

Last year our truck died between Empire and Nixon. Managed to coast into a nice wide turnout, and guessed it was the battery crapping out. So fuck me for not having a cheap voltmeter, and maybe using it before we left town. We'd left BRC early Sunday, so the traffic wasn't bad on the Exodus trail, but there was steady stream going down 447.

Nobody stopped. Nobody rolled down a window and asked if we needed help. Nobody waved. Nobody even gave us the finger. WTF is wrong with people?

Yeah, I saw that when I was going in on Friday before gate and I lost the tread on my tires. It was a local who stopped. Well, maybe a Gerlach burner would be more accurate.

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

How's somebody to distinguish that a person/vehicle at the side of the road needs help or is just stopped for other reasons. Unless of course the vehicle is upside down and smoking.

[theCryptofishist]

I had my hazards on. I know, that doesn't settle it. I did try waving at people. And the road was rather empty, people could have stopped and asked without getting out of their cars. As the person who stopped for me did. And I didn't ahve to wait any more than 20 minutes either...

And i certainly wasn't going to get out and risk getting stuck in the soft...

[ranger magnum]

1. Surprisingly, one of the lamplighters. I did my first run carrying this year, and because I didn't "stretch" when someone suggested it, the guy said "yo man, I know you think you're pretty badass with your stupid shaved sideburns but this is serious. If you break one of my lamps I'll break you." I'm thinking seriously? I'm at burning man, volunteering, and someone's making fun of my sideburns? Go drink some water. I wanted to tell him he must be pretty badass with his pink mohawk when he took down his hood afterwards, but I'm not the kind of guy to throw negative energy back in the water. I still felt a sense of accomplishment for having randomly been pulled off the esplanade to do the task the night of the burn, but definitely found out that there are asshats EVERYWHERE lol. I still plan to volunteer for lamplighters every year, and everyone else I met there was absolutely wonderful.

2. My campmates who left moop for me to pick up before it all got blown away in a dust storm, ditched a broken bike on the playa to take home someone else's, and hoarded a yellow bike in their tent. Again, I did my best not to throw negative energy back, but needless to say they won't be returning with me ever again lol.

3. Whoever stole my bike. Not cool. Never needed to lock my bike. This year I did on suggestion, and my baby is still gone.

4. I have to agree with an earlier post. There was A LOT of moop this year, (especially on the road upon exodus, which was actually sickeningly moopy), and A LOT of darkwads. Many very unprepared noobies I can only suspect. The temple burn was also surprisingly loud.

I'm thankful for this post to be able to vent, but I'm hoping that out of all that I experienced this year, will arise an expansion of positive people looking to bring the event back in the right direction. Maybe a larger percentage of veterans to lead by example? Either way I believe there should be A LOT more respect for the city that gifts us with such an amazingly high frequency of vibrational experience. Much love despite. This is the first year I've really felt any need to vent whatsoever, and I will still return every year with the same positive expectations.

You, sir, are a USDA Grade-A Asshat.

You didn't fink on a lamplighter making inappropriate threats. You didn't fink on your thieving campmates. All you were worried about was your "negative energy" quotient. You left 40 pounds of moop in the form of your bike, which you refused to properly lock despite years of telling people to lock their bikes.

And the fucking Temple burn was too loud.

Poor you.

So let me see if I have this right:

You are bagging on a guy who got his locked bike stolen (please tell me how you know he didnt properly lock his bike. And at the same time, why dont you enlighten us all on how to properly lock a bike on the playa)

You then complain that nobody stopped to help you. Did you actually do anything to indicate that you were broken down? Did you stand out there waving your arms? Road flares? Anything? Did you honestly expect anyone to risk an accident trying to pull over on a road that has few turnouts and no place to actually turn around? By the time someone blows by you at highway speed and realizes you need assistance, its too fucking late to do anything.

Man up and stop bitching about shit thats beyond someones control. Your drivel is getting old.

[MacGlenver]

So let me see if I have this right:

You are bagging on a guy who got his locked bike stolen (please tell me how you know he didnt properly lock his bike. And at the same time, why dont you enlighten us all on how to properly lock a bike on the playa)

You then complain that nobody stopped to help you. Did you actually do anything to indicate that you were broken down? Did you stand out there waving your arms? Road flares? Anything? Did you honestly expect anyone to risk an accident trying to pull over on a road that has few turnouts and no place to actually turn around? By the time someone blows by you at highway speed and realizes you need assistance, its too fucking late to do anything.

Man up and stop bitching about shit thats beyond someones control. Your drivel is getting old.

^ This.

[playaspyder]

1. Surprisingly, one of the lamplighters. I did my first run carrying this year, and because I didn't "stretch" when someone suggested it, the guy said "yo man, I know you think you're pretty badass with your stupid shaved sideburns but this is serious. If you break one of my lamps I'll break you." I'm thinking seriously? I'm at burning man, volunteering, and someone's making fun of my sideburns? Go drink some water. I wanted to tell him he must be pretty badass with his pink mohawk when he took down his hood afterwards, but I'm not the kind of guy to throw negative energy back in the water. I still felt a sense of accomplishment for having randomly been pulled off the esplanade to do the task the night of the burn, but definitely found out that there are asshats EVERYWHERE lol. I still plan to volunteer for lamplighters every year, and everyone else I met there was absolutely wonderful.

2. My campmates who left moop for me to pick up before it all got blown away in a dust storm, ditched a broken bike on the playa to take home someone else's, and hoarded a yellow bike in their tent. Again, I did my best not to throw negative energy back, but needless to say they won't be returning with me ever again lol.

3. Whoever stole my bike. Not cool. Never needed to lock my bike. This year I did on suggestion, and my baby is still gone.

4. I have to agree with an earlier post. There was A LOT of moop this year, (especially on the road upon exodus, which was actually sickeningly moopy), and A LOT of darkwads. Many very unprepared noobies I can only suspect. The temple burn was also surprisingly loud.

I'm thankful for this post to be able to vent, but I'm hoping that out of all that I experienced this year, will arise an expansion of positive people looking to bring the event back in the right direction. Maybe a larger percentage of veterans to lead by example? Either way I believe there should be A LOT more respect for the city that gifts us with such an amazingly high frequency of vibrational experience. Much love despite. This is the first year I've really felt any need to vent whatsoever, and I will still return every year with the same positive expectations.

You, sir, are a USDA Grade-A Asshat.

You didn't fink on a lamplighter making inappropriate threats. You didn't fink on your thieving campmates. All you were worried about was your "negative energy" quotient. You left 40 pounds of moop in the form of your bike, which you refused to properly lock despite years of telling people to lock their bikes.

And the fucking Temple burn was too loud.

Poor you.

A: I did say to the lamplighter "There's no need to be an ass" and no one else said anything.
B: I did fink on my campmates and returned the yellow bike whenever I found it. I'm not bragging that I cleaned up after them, I'm annoyed that they couldn't clean up after themselves. I just didn't fink with a steamy pile of shit like the one you just threw out.
C: I did lock my bike, despite the fact that when I started going to burning man, it was stated on the bm website that bikes were never stolen, but taken by accident when they weren't decorated to make them unique enough to be noticeably not someone else's. All I'm saying is that times have changed.
D: Which is also what I was trying to say about the temple. I didn't say it was "too" loud. I said it was "surprisingly" loud. Which kind of tells me that there were a lot of new people, that hadn't had the chance to experience the amazing feat of previous years ie 50000 people completely silent. I'm just sayin it was different, and maybe some guidance is needed.

If you wanna rag on the "negative energy" thing, well you obviously don't know anything about the vibrational laws of the universe, and frankly will probably continue to attract things to be pissed off at. It's pretty obvious that you have a few sticks up your ass already if you really thought it was necessary to take all of your jaded attitude out on me.

[theCryptofishist]

If you wanna rag on the "negative energy" thing, well you obviously don't know anything about the vibrational laws of the universe, and frankly will probably continue to attract things to be pissed off at. It's pretty obvious that you have a few sticks up your ass already if you really thought it was necessary to take all of your jaded attitude out on me.

[Simon of the Playa]

[playaspyder]

2. My campmates who left moop for me to pick up before it all got blown away in a dust storm, ditched a broken bike on the playa to take home someone else's, and hoarded a yellow bike in their tent. Again, I did my best not to throw negative energy back, but needless to say they won't be returning with me ever again lol.

Are you some kind of playa Joe Paterno?

Don't give us your hippie bullshit "negative energy" lame excuses.

Don't stand by letting asshats be asshats under your watch. Call those motherfuckers out for their shit like I'm doing to you.

SILENCE IS TACIT APPROVAL.

COMPLACENCY IS COMPLICITY.

I didn't say I didn't call them out. I just didn't do it in the loud obnoxious way that everyone else seems to enjoy. I believe that people respond with a sense of guilt when you explain to them clearly the amount of disrespect for the playa that they've displayed. When you yell and swear they just get angry and defensive, fight back, and don't take anything to heart. That's all I'm saying. It actually makes me laugh how much it seems like everyone would rather fight and make everything MORE negative on the playa. I also love how the word "hippie" became a popular insult. I don't think I could ever be classified as one, but I know quite a few and wonder what happened to radical inclusion.

[RedHeaven]

Wanna help spread positive energy? Note how I stuck up for you instead of worrying about the eplaya being asshatical

Vent away I say, all of you!!

YIN YANG FOREVER, BURNIES

If you're gonna be hippy, fuck it, be hippy. I can be pretty damn hippy from time to time (and I LOOOOVE the Grateful Dead) A little punk rock goes a long way though too.....thank goodness for that....like I said, yin yang, per usual

[Aurelia]

The "Ukranian" costumed old man who punched me hard Thursday night because he wanted the space I was in.
Yes, I am ready to see him first next time.

[piehole]

On a related note, ran into this dude in line waiting for Pancakes. Someone else said that their bike had been stolen the night before. This dude then says, Here, take this bike, it's a gift. Then he told his tale of finding a yellow-green community bike out on the playa locked to a regular bike. It inflamed him so much he dragged both bikes across the playa to a camp that had bolt cutters. He placed the community bike back into circulation, and the bike it was locked to was the one he was now gifting. I asked if the moral of the story was that he stole someone's bike and was now giving it away. He convinced me otherwise and I ended up gifting him my real maple syrup.

Was this on the 9:00 side? I think I may have been at that camp when he asked for the bolt cutters. Sort of a Britishy accent?

[Zhust]

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

Savin' it up for the playa!

I suppose they have to save every little drop from the other 51...

Glad to see you've been reading the posts here too!

[mdmf007]

The asshole who puked in the urinal on Monday night. It's fucking Monday night, PACE YOURSELVES.

Oh, that monday..

[clocksnmirrors]

So, the promises of everlasting love and burniness are a little misleading.

i have to agree with this.

[Zhust]

... Then he told his tale of finding a yellow-green community bike out on the playa locked to a regular bike. It inflamed him so much he dragged both bikes across the playa to a camp that had bolt cutters. He placed the community bike back into circulation, and the bike it was locked to was the one he was now gifting. ...

You know, I was thinking. It's generally assumed the two cyclists arrived together and wanted to hoard the yellow bike for the return trip, but boy, it would be an awesomely dick move to just lock a yellow bike to someone else's.

P.S. playaspyder: did you happen to notice if you had locked your bike to a yellow bike? Maybe that's what happened to it.

[Lonesomebri]

...but boy, it would be an awesomely dick move to just lock a yellow bike to someone else's.

On a side note, while feverishly looking to the future and working on how to win at being the Top Asshat of 2013, my camp was thinking of riding our bikes out to gate with some cold beers and hand 'em to new arrivals driving into the heavily patrolled BRC, "Welcome home brother, have a cold one !!"

Back to reality, the dude who liberated the green bike and stole the attached, he was over on 9, and had some hyped up accent. I was the only one in line questioning his liberation of the attached bike....not so much as to morally judge him, force and manipulate him to do what i felt was right as some sort of righteous kick, like someone yelling obsessively at others to sit down at a burn, but I did wonder about the implied guilt of the other bike's owner, and that the "new" owner was just gifted a bike that out in the city someone else was looking for. This, to me, was alot for one morning, added to that the casual female nudity present, dehydration from the previous nights drinking, and all the other afflictions to my senses I was suffering from....look, i was just wanting some pancakes....not up to playing Solomon of the playa that early in the day.