Does "love" mean no disagreements?

starfish66 · Post by **starfish66** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 1:45 pm

Dana
Real life is challenging, but I find wise words keep me aware of the truth of what's REALLY going on . As long as I remember to see without judging, to listen to my inner self and not my ego, and to communicate lovingly, my relationships are improving. I find these new ideas quite difficult to maintain, my ego is still running the show most of the time, but the large effect that small changes in these areas have made, inspire me to keep with it and to encourage others to try it. Hence the spreading of wisdom.
It seems we waste so much time on complaining and speculating. Hasn't it long been agreed that we're almost out of time before we self-destruct - perhaps it'd be more efficient to be looking to the most evolved of our species for guidance.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 2:08 pm

dana wrote:
Rian - how can you say that about deep insight??? I don't believe you. (Your posts don't show that.) I think the same devil/cynic briefly whipped you upside the head also. Shit if we were'nt all trying to get varying depths of insight and readjust our trajectories as we went along, we'd all still be acting out of our child's awareness in relationships..... (oops! I guess a lot of people are doing just that exactly.)

i suppose what i'm saying is that often when we look so hard for deep insight, we miss it. being open to things is necessary, bit it's a little like looking at some stars - if you look directly at them you won't find them, but if you let them fall within your scope of view you will.

similarly, making 5 year plans has never been an option for my life. every time i try life laughs in my face and pulls the rug. Every time i don't get wedded to a road, the most beautiful opportunities bloom.

i have to say, it's provided some small insights - some deeper than others - and a pretty interesting life thus far.

dana · Post by **dana** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 2:44 pm

starfish66 wrote: wise words keep me aware of the truth of what's REALLY going on . -[hmm.. calibrating your vision.]

I find these new ideas quite difficult to maintain, my ego is still running the show most of the time, but the large effect that small changes in these areas have made, inspire me to keep with it and to encourage others to try it.

Yeah, its like a gradual winnowing of the chafe. The key thing for me was figuring out what my ego sounds like, what it's game is and deciding not to play.

dana · Post by **dana** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 2:51 pm

By the way Rian, all this talk about devil as metaphor for ego and then I suddenly notice the number of posts you seem to be stuck on......
Is there anything else you'd like to tell us?

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 2:54 pm

dana wrote:By the way Rian, all this talk about devil as metaphor for ego and then I suddenly notice the number of posts you seem to be stuck on......
Is there anything else you'd like to tell us?

WOOOOHOOOOO!

hate to mess it up with this post, but lovely lovely lovely.
people have always applied terms like 'satan's minion' 'evil temptress' and 'the devil's right hand' to me.
hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:49 pm

anger is a legitimate response

there has been much bandying about of concepts of personal reflection when confronted with anger or uncertainty in relationships. Please be aware that sometimes people do shitty things, in or out of the context of relationships, and you are well within your rights to react with anger. Anger is a legitimate response. If you don't believe me, pull your nose out of your self help book for a moment and take a look around. Creepy people are doin bad shit and we are fully justified in bein pissed off.

are people really trying to reach some deeper understanding on the eplaya?

I sure hope not

a great break from work

is more like it

dana · Post by **dana** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:10 pm

[quote="stuart"]anger is a legitimate response

Creepy people are doin bad shit and we are fully justified in bein pissed off.

[quote]

Stuart- sounds like you haven't read much of this thread before launching in. The thread's been pretty much about arguing/having dissagreements with someone you love. Are you in love with someone who's kinda creepy? (Strange how appealing they can be sometimes.)

The gist so far is that people seem to be finding anger more than just legitimate. And what's with the comment about self help books? I don't tend to read em myself, but I wouldn't start bashing someone else because they do. One way or the other, no one's in this by themselves and they're going to have to find answers somewhere - unless you prefer autism.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:44 pm

sounds like you haven't read much of this thread before launching in

That's not really my style. I read it front to back and was referring not to the thread in it's entirety but to some select statements that perhaps I misunderstood. Here are a few examples...

I think most people's problem is that they never figured out what to do with anger

Just think about what you're really angry about.

when i got grumpy or out of sorts it had nothing to do with anything except for me being either hungry, tired, thirsty, or having to pee...

as for

Are you in love with someone who's kinda creepy?

no, I gave that up many, many years ago.

they're going to have to find answers somewhere - unless you prefer autism.

I don't think I risk autism by feeling that I am not going to find the secrets of happily ever after by reading the eplaya. YMMV

dana · Post by **dana** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 9:30 pm

stuart wrote: some select statements that perhaps I misunderstood. Here are a few examples...

Your post doesn't read like someone who's looking for any sort of understanding, unless you consider an ax appropriate to the task.

dana · Post by **dana** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:24 pm

stuart wrote:I don't think I risk autism by feeling that I am not going to find the secrets of happily ever after by reading the eplaya. YMMV

Come on Stuart, surely that point wasn't too subtle for you. People with autism are basically out of the loop in terms of personality development. So they're not getting much from other people's normal feedback, not to mention any other source including 'self help' books. And no, you're definitely not at risk of developing autism - maybe something else, but not that. Why do you bother posting on a thread that you obviously hate?

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:00 pm

Geez Dana, for someone in love- you sure do disagree with a lot of people.

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:01 pm

And to answer the unspoken question, yes- I am inherently evil.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:19 pm

dana wrote:
stuart wrote:I don't think I risk autism by feeling that I am not going to find the secrets of happily ever after by reading the eplaya. YMMV
Come on Stuart, surely that point wasn't too subtle for you. People with autism are basically out of the loop in terms of personality development. So they're not getting much from other people's normal feedback, not to mention any other source including 'self help' books. And no, you're definitely not at risk of developing autism - maybe something else, but not that. Why do you bother posting on a thread that you obviously hate?

woahh thar...just heard a story on "This American Life" (check their archives http://www.thislife.org/ )about an autistic woman from Seattle, who overcame her difficulties to go through the university system and earn a Ph.D
She was able to start making real connections with people after she had some incredible emotional exchange with a gorilla at the zoo she was working in. ( no jabs please) check it out

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:31 pm

cowboyangel wrote:She was able to start making real connections with people after she had some incredible emotional exchange with a gorilla at the zoo she was working in.

Sorry dude, too late.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:38 pm

ya ya I've seen that one...is that the hindu guy from the Howard Stern show?

sparkletarte · Post by **sparkletarte** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:42 pm

I would just like to offer a 'hahaha' for the exchange between stuart and dana. hahaha!

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 8:46 am

sparkletarte wrote:I would just like to offer a 'hahaha' for the exchange between stuart and dana. hahaha!

seconded.

hmmm.... i'd sure like a pillow fight with Stuie
Sweetheart, you're fuckin' brilliant.

let's design a playa game that involves physical combat and the debate of philosophy, sociology, or some other esoteric topic.

i prefer epistemology. or, really, epistemological philosophy.

soeone take me up on this:
Read Batesons' Angel's Fear and then duel me.

no, but really. anger is legitimate just as much as ANY emotion is. still though, it can be pretty helpful to know why you're angry in any given situation. i mean, hell, when people think they 'get' me it pisses me off, because i feel boundaries being violated. a really good reason to be pissy? probably not. but it's a response to vulnerability and therefore important to pay attention to.

I also get quite angry at world events. the reason? murder and exploitation piss me off.... i'm sure we could get further into reasons, blahdy blahdy psychoanalysis, but i think it's a damn good reason to be angry. so there.

let's face it kids, we all get angry for a lot of different reasons. and if you want to have constructive disagreements, it helps to know why you get angry. it don't mean you can't be pissed.

oh, and as to deep insight i decided to look for some today. gimme.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 9:59 am

Rian wrote:

when people think they 'get' me it pisses me off

I understand... and I know where that comes from...

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:03 am

Rian also wrote:

I also get quite angry at world events. the reason? murder and exploitation piss me off.... i'm sure we could get further into reasons, blahdy blahdy psychoanalysis, but i think it's a damn good reason to be angry. so there.

Yup. Just watched Farenheit 911 and spent the rest of the day angered and depressed. Fucking power hungry motherfuckers of ALL nations are just fucking bullies with thugs backing them up!!! The current system used throughout the surface of this planet is just plain fucked!!

But... I love them all... bastards!!

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:05 am

Rian finally wrote:

oh, and as to deep insight i decided to look for some today. gimme.

Sorry, we've had supply problems lately and won't be able to deliver any of that to the warehouses until sometime before Christmas. Sorry.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:05 pm

1st, while I appreicate the support, I don't think the gang ups are really necessary. I think Dana and I can manage an ever so slight civil discourse.

Your post doesn't read like someone who's looking for any sort of understanding

[outrageous french accent] I've already got some. It's very nice
[/outrageous french accent]

My cranky eplaya persona replies to you that searching for enlightenment on a contentious BBS is foolhardy

Some here know that I have a chewy soft center though.

I find vague statments couched in mushy spiritualism to be potentially damaging when one attempts to apply them practically. I find this to be especially the case when they are dished out in a generic fashion. One persons axe to grind is anothers spiritual mission.

Come on Stuart, surely that point wasn't too subtle for you.

overestimate me at your own risk. Besides, I don't find straw man analogies, subtle or otherwise, to be all that usefull in one's quest for enlightenment.

Do I hate this thread? Well, in all honesty, when I saw the title I refused to poke my head in. Sorry blyslv but I find the question to preposterous. If you don't know the answer to the question posed by the thread title then perhaps autism is your best bet. After several days of life I thought I would give it a read and see what all the fuss was about. I thought the bulk of it was agreable common sense occasionally couched in compelling anecdotes. Some of it seemed like psuedo eastern clap-trap though.

namaste

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:16 pm

i prefer epistemology. or, really, epistemological philosophy.

I walked out on my philosphy major at the 300 level. I was in 365; epistemology. I was really digging it. Then one day I learned that the only reason it can not be disproved that I am a brain in a vat controlled by an evil genius comes down to less than petty semantics in their world. Time to switch to a music degree.

still, I'll happily whoop your ass if you'd like cupcake. I'll debunk astrology for you while I clout you with a bean bag. And you aint gonna land no cheap blows to the nuts on this aristotelian bad ass.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:11 pm

stuart wrote:
i prefer epistemology. or, really, epistemological philosophy.
I walked out on my philosphy major at the 300 level. I was in 365; epistemology. I was really digging it. Then one day I learned that the only reason it can not be disproved that I am a brain in a vat controlled by an evil genius comes down to less than petty semantics in their world. Time to switch to a music degree.

still, I'll happily whoop your ass if you'd like cupcake. I'll debunk astrology for you while I clout you with a bean bag. And you aint gonna land no cheap blows to the nuts on this aristotelian bad ass.

who said i take nut shots? who have you been talking to this time??
and who the hell are you calling 'cupcake?!?!?!

fucking mushy centered Stuie. too bad i love ya so much.
have you read any Bateson?

i'm pretty sure you've got me beat on the philosophy part of the fight... but i wouldn't put kicking your ass past me.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:37 pm

who have you been talking to this time??

some cutesy young girl with braids and attitude clued me in

<smooch>

i wouldn't put kicking your ass past me.

in the words of the POTUS...

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:43 pm

stuart wrote:cutesy

you're dead.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:51 pm

enlightenment is off the table in certain situations...need I elaborate?

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:00 pm

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:10 pm

stuart...I could re-work your avatar a little bit ...let's see....I think perhaps a Red Sox baseball hat would look charming, don'tcha think? You are just as cute as Johnny Damon and he doesn't even have a boa!

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:38 pm

uhh, I'd rather drink paint than watch baseball.

and, that aint no boa. It's a full length, ultra warm, fur coat named 'The Yetti'. Just ask the chicklet.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:39 pm

still, if you could work out a rawking mullet like your pic I might be interested.

Does "love" mean no disagreements?

Re: dating............!

bandying about of concepts

~

Re: ~