The Bar, Volume #4

[Aurelia]

Well I appreciate you
and accept the opening door
and will share any tools I misplace

[Aurelia]

Well I appreciate you
vortex or not
and accept the opening door
and will share any tools I misplace

[MyDearFriend]

Feeling enmeshed in a web of mutual aid makes random help more palatable, I think. I talk to the street people who smile at me.

(((Fishy)))

[AntiM]

Man, I missed toast and hugs and champagne... and tool sucking vortexii? And hugs.

[Elorrum]

this morning, some cream. I need a good start.
Edit to add: ((<((((BIG HUG)))>)>))))

[ygmir]

*wanders in, makes CCC**
yeah, it really is interesting, how different people handle watching another do, or attempt, something.
Like, telling how to do, what you are already doing.
Holding a door when you don't need it.
taking a tool away, to "show you how"....
it goes on and on.
it's tough to know, is it a genuine attempt to help, their ego, unconscious need to have it done "their way".........
ah well, slap their hand if it's not ok

and this:

I hope I haven't vortexed anybody lately but, I do tend to interact rather than ignore so I'm sure I put my foot in it regularly. Random apologies in advance; I am a door-holder too. Though not (I hope) a tool-grabber.

I love the new motion-sensor on the ECM.

I don't know that's always a bad thing anyway, MDF.................

[Ugly Dougly]

(((Fishy)))

I often feel uncomfortable being waited on. Like that's a servant doing things for me that I can normally do myself.
But if I can't do it myself, I can swallow my pride pretty easily.
But then I have two good legs. And I am thankful for it.

[Simon of the Playa]

i hold the door open for all women.


you're not special...

[Roberto Dobbisano]

yes, but you never screw with anyone's power tools...

[H.G.Crosby]

see, chivalry and politeness is not dead.


some of us had it beaten into them by working in a retail situation from age 14...


"can i carry that to your car M'aam?"...

[canexplain]

I feel I am very polite, esp to the women. I was just raised that way. What does get me though: I have been told more than once when I was opening a door for a woman, "I can open my own door. Just because I am a woman does not make me helpless." Fine, open the fucking door yourself and while you are at it, open it for me. That brings up: I also hold the door open for men if the situation warrants. Does that make me flaky? No, polite.....

[ygmir]

and that's just it, with foogin humans:
nothing is clear. what's meant as manners, can be taken as insult.
what's meant as polite, can be taken as weakness.

the emphasis, is on the wrong side, IMHO:
You, decide how you're going to see something. If you choose to see the good in people, you'll see the door holding as a kindness or polite gesture, one of civility.
You'll see the "no, go ahead of me" at the stop sign, or in line, as merely offering a discretionary advantage or kindness.

Conversely, if you choose to see darkness, you'll see the box of chocolates, and resent the person trying to give you heart disease, or the rose meant to prick you and cause pain.

it's our choice in attitude, IMHO.

[Aurelia]

Yggy, dont know if I will ever meet you but
even in this cyber space I love you
..

Fishy that had come to a time to talk about it
..

I just got off the phone discussing my problem with the tow of my car while I was at BMHQ..likely futile
the streets were blocked with emergency vehicles and couldnt reach in time

xoA.

[Nipple]

it's our choice in attitude, IMHO.

I've recently learned that we need to apply that to ourselves as well. Turns out, I think I'm an alright guy, once I got to know me!

[theCryptofishist]

Feeling enmeshed in a web of mutual aid makes random help more palatable, I think. I talk to the street people who smile at me.

(((Fishy)))

Yes, I was thinking about that last night, after shutting off the computer, and if it were a "we're all in this together" thing, where I opened doors for other people, too, it would be much easier on me.

And I'm completely with you, Dougly.

canexplain, I held the door open for men, back in the day.

Yeah, actions can have very different meanings for different peoples, but I think that holding the door can be better done with a glance and "you going inside".

[theCryptofishist]

http://cuteroulette.com/#/videos/view/228

[Martiena]

This is an important post, and I'm fortunate I happened upon it. I read back to the beginning of this particular topic, and read ( and bookmarked, as Savannah did ) your blog post Fishy. I have thought about this many times over the years.
When I am feeling well and healthy, I hold the doors for everyone. Children, men, women, aliens etc. My parents taught me to be considerate of everyone, ( not so much myself though, but I digress ) There were times when I wasn't well, I would have been very grateful if someone had held open a door for me... that's when those big handicapped buttons were great!!
The times I didn't know what to do, was when someone was in a wheelchair. I decided a long time ago to ask, would you like help, and always make eye contact. If the person said no, I smiled and went on my way. Now... please tell me, is this hurtful, because I'm still questioning the person's ability to be self reliant.


As for homeless individuals, I give every person that is panhandling something. Personally, I never do this without making eye contact, and saying a few words....if the other person is comfortable. There are all the arguments that the money will be used for drugs, drink etc. but hell, it is a small gift, one I'd hope would be passed to me if I had need.
Before I had children, I didn't hold these views. I have major depression, and a child with severe mental illness. That person on the street could someday be me or my child. Until we experience things ourselves, it is sometimes difficult to understand. It's great to have this place to share and learn.

[theCryptofishist]

Asking's fine. Just do it in a person to person way. And be ready for a no. I hate it when people don't take no for an answer.

[9ah]

I have a friend I see from time to time that has been in a chair for as long as I've known him (10+ yrs) and he def made it easy to remember not to ask if he needs help. The last time I visited him in SF he did the driving and I just sat shotgun while he made his was to the drivers seat. I pushed him up the hill when he asked and let him open the door if he reached for it/pressed the button first. You def find yourself stopping from the learned response, but in the end both people feel less 'awkward'.. At least from my experience.

[ygmir]

*wanders in, pours Becherovka, sets bottle out to share*

Hi gang!

so, I planted about 50 lilac cuttings.........from a beautiful, old lilac tree, it makes super dark purple, very large flowers, so I'm hoping if any of the cuttings take, the flowers will be the same.
I had to trim it to put up a deck railing for a friend, and didn't want all the potential to get shredded, or burned, so took the limbs home and clipped all sorts of size and shapes of cuttings, hoping a few will "take" by fortunate accident. If they all take, I'll have two beautiful, 30' hedges of fragrance!!

and speaking of fragrance, I had to kill a skunk today, as well. as I was raking my driveway I saw (what I've been smelling for a couple of day), which was a skunk, laying half under a storage container. Thinking it was dead, or wondering, I tossed a rock near it, to see if it moved......it flinched, but didn't move. this being the middle of the day, and the skunk being pretty much in the open/visible, I knew something was terribly wrong,either severely injured, or more likely, very sick (they tend to carry rabies and distemper in this area).
So, I scampered back up the hill, got a shotgun and went back.....it had not moved. So, I dispatched it, in what I feel was the humane thing to do.
It had to have been suffering for a day or more, since I've been smelling it for that long. I always second guess a decision like that......but, saw it as what to do. End the suffering, and not endanger any other animals in the area who might get exposed.
I did offer respects, and wishes for an easy transition, for the poor little creature...........dang..........

*slugs down shot, pours another and heads to ROS*

[Aurelia]

OMG
lilac being my memory of perfect perfume
and eating the tiny flowers

the basis of skunk odor is also interesting
no longer relative to ambergris
rock on Yggy

[ygmir]

Ambergris?..........

[Aurelia]

perfumer friend chemist of the past ..purchased ambergris
rare substance from sperm whale vomit and he was also isolating it from skunk gland
no longer being done .

[ygmir]

wow........well, I've learned something today, for sure!!
cool ASD.
so, must be a man made carrier now?

[gyre]

Big fuss made over finding same recently .
Someone must use it.

[Savannah]

Poor little skunk!

Thank you for putting him out of his misery, Yggy.

[Aurelia]

oh yes
I am in favor of man made carriers
xoA.

[Martiansky]

*wanders in past the ECM which starts to brew....sits at a table to wait as it perks....*

Good morning all!!
Quiet in here today.

*pours a cup and wanders back out....*

[AntiM]

... and tearing up over the little Unknown Skunk. I hope the lilacs take.

[lucky420]

Pepe Lepew?