Ask Eric

[Eric]

Your roommate doesn't know how to use the internet, and is clearly wrong. It is indeed one of those other clever bastards in the Monty Python philosopher song, quoted as "I drink therefore I am".

As for the cordial, yes, I did get it, and I am uncomfortably out of it now. My lemonade is very unhappy, as is my vodka.

[GreyCoyote]

How's that for a Deep Thought.

Just had to fix that for ya.

[Roberto Dobbisano]

"rene descartes was a drunken fart, i drink therefore i am"

[Eric]

How's that for a Deep Thought.

Just had to fix that for ya.

Sure, make the subtle joke easy for everybody. This is why we can't have nice threads.

[C187]

Dear Eric,

After reading the above, should I post and kill the thread now?

Thanks!
-C

[Eric]

Dear Eric,

After reading the above, should I post and kill the thread now?

Thanks!
-C

This is ePlaya. There is almost no way to post & kill a tread - and if somehow you did have the magic to do it, I have a list of 'em I'd have you post in...

[Simon of the Playa]

How's that for a Deep Throat.

Just had to fix that for ya.

.

[AntiM]

As for the cordial, yes, I did get it, and I am uncomfortably out of it now. My lemonade is very unhappy, as is my vodka.

You very nearly lost that ginger cordial. I'm mad for ginger.

[JayBobBoy]

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

[JayBobBoy]

If you choke a SMURF, what color does he turn?

[mudpuppy000]

Are we there yet?

[Jackass]

Dear Eric,

If I have a shirtcocker hanging out aimlessly near the perimeter of my camp for a prolonged period of time, what should I do?

A. Join him in shirtcocking and "hang out" with my new friend

B. Find someone with a "Pants Canon" quickly

C. Offer him hydration and a place to sit (not in my chair) in the shade

D. Offer him a chapstick and a pair of trousers

E. Run him off with ridicule over a bullhorn

F. Hide in the trailer and just wait for him to lose interest and leave

G.Other

[CornMan]

Dear Eric,

I am deathly afraid of birds, so I'm working on a method to keep them from flying into my camp. I have heard that birds are afraid of owls, and that some outfitting stores sell plastic owls to use as a repellant decoy to keep the birds at bay. However, I'm afraid of owls too, and those brown semi-opaque eyes on those plastic owls terrorize me to my very soul. Are there any other repellant decoy animals that are equally effective against the congregation of birds in my camp that would be as convenient and economical as the plastic owls?

Thank you and love your forum, CM

p.s., Scarecrows creep me out, so that is not an option.

[maryanimal]

Dear Eric,

How does one "box" someone's ears?

[Eric]

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

There is - chicken. Everything tastes like chicken.

If you choke a SMURF, what color does he turn?

Purple.

Are we there yet?

Nope. Which is good, because I'm not even packed to leave.

If I have a shirtcocker hanging out aimlessly near the perimeter of my camp for a prolonged period of time, what should I do?

If he's cute, bring him to camp, strip him naked, become very friendly with him (this is "ask Eric", not "ask a straight guy")
If he's not cute, pants cannon. Always pants cannon. Just make sure the pants are wool.

I am deathly afraid of birds, so I'm working on a method to keep them from flying into my camp. I have heard that birds are afraid of owls, and that some outfitting stores sell plastic owls to use as a repellant decoy to keep the birds at bay. However, I'm afraid of owls too, and those brown semi-opaque eyes on those plastic owls terrorize me to my very soul. Are there any other repellant decoy animals that are equally effective against the congregation of birds in my camp that would be as convenient and economical as the plastic owls?

Thank you and love your forum, CM

p.s., Scarecrows creep me out, so that is not an option.

Birds will only go where there is food, water, shade, or a high enough surface for them to perch on. Make sure none of those exist in your camp, and you'll be fine. Just so you're aware, tents might be high enough for them to perch on, so you'll want to sleep on the ground.

How does one "box" someone's ears?

1) Cut off the ears.
2) Place them in a box.

[Savannah]

How does one "box" someone's ears?

1) Cut off the ears.
2) Place them in a box.

This gives a gory new twist to all the novels I've read about Victorian children with cruel governesses!

[Jackass]

If I have a shirtcocker hanging out aimlessly near the perimeter of my camp for a prolonged period of time, what should I do?

If he's cute, bring him to camp, strip him naked, become very friendly with him (this is "ask Eric", not "ask a straight guy")
If he's not cute, pants cannon. Always pants cannon. Just make sure the pants are wool.

What's the deal with the wool?? Why not denim, flannel, or vinyl

[BeeWeeDee]

It's wool because Eric said it was wool Dammit!

[Jackass]

Perhaps it's the itchy factor

[Eric]

What's the deal with the wool?? Why not denim, flannel, or vinyl

Wool is hot and scratches. You're not looking to make them comfortable, you're looking to make them pay for their transgressions.

[Conduit]

Eric - why are so many people asking you questions?

[Eric]

Eric - why are so many people asking you questions?

Apparently they read the title of the thread.

[JayBobBoy]

How can I tell when you've had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

[Canoe]

How can I tell when you've had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

ah, um, ...
Question to JayBobBay, is that:

• "How can I tell when you've Eric had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of? , or
• "How can I tell when JayBobBoy had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

Dear Eric:
Does the difference matter?

[Eric]

How can I tell when you've had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

Who says I need to be drunk to be taken advantage of - what part of "gay" is confusing?

[Eric]

How can I tell when you've had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

ah, um, ...
Question to JayBobBay, is that:

• "How can I tell when you've Eric had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of? , or
• "How can I tell when JayBobBoy had too much to drink and can be taken advantage of?

Dear Eric:
Does the difference matter?

No. I will take advantage of anyone* if it looks like fun.


*yes, that includes females. Evil is fun.

[Savannah]

*hears murmuring among the ladies*

[graidawg]

I am so happy to have started this thread. because a)

(this is "ask Eric", not "ask a straight guy")

b)

*yes, that includes females. Evil is fun.

Who says I need to be drunk to be taken advantage of - what part of "gay" is confusing?

please more questions.

dear Eric does your mod hat itch at all? also is it a stylish hat?

[Eric]

dear Eric does your mod hat itch at all? also is it a stylish hat?

None of my hats itch. I get good ones.
As for style - our names are in green now. All the mods have style, even Sham.

[Savannah]