Ask Elliot

[goathead]

Dear Elliot

What is going on with all this peddling/pedaling going on? I am confused.

[Elliot]

Dear Elliot

What is going on with all this peddling/pedaling going on? I am confused.

Simple. These fellas are all door-to-door salesmen. Confused pedaling peddlers!

[CornMan]

Dear Elliot, I have a question regarding food strainers on the playa. I like to use my food strainer to separate the food from the liquid. On the playa, the strainer works really well for all kinds of foods, but it is difficult to clean after straining bacon, potatoes o'brian, and other dishes without my dogs being around to help clean it. Do you have any suggestions on how to clean the strainer after using it to filter out fatty liquid?

[unjonharley]

Dear Elliot, I have a question regarding food strainers on the playa. I like to use my food strainer to separate the food from the liquid. On the playa, the strainer works really well for all kinds of foods, but it is difficult to clean after straining bacon, potatoes o'brian, and other dishes without my dogs being around to help clean it. Do you have any suggestions on how to clean the strainer after using it to filter out fatty liquid?

In for Elliot on this one..Don't ever clean it.. Hang t up after use.. The old grease will melt when you pour new hot grease in it.. The dog will love you for all the old nasty tastes when you get home.. Good luck and stay well

[CornMan]

I have an idea, keep two of them. One for veggies, and the other for the messy stuff. Thanks.

[Elliot]

Dear Elliot, I have a question regarding food strainers on the playa. I like to use my food strainer to separate the food from the liquid. On the playa, the strainer works really well for all kinds of foods, but it is difficult to clean after straining bacon, potatoes o'brian, and other dishes without my dogs being around to help clean it. Do you have any suggestions on how to clean the strainer after using it to filter out fatty liquid?

Yes, I have a suggestion. Place the strainer in the usual fashion on a stout metal pot or bucket. Pour in one pint gasoline. Toss in lit match. You can heat the food over this cleansing and disinfecting flame at the same time, conserving resources and impressing your friends.

It's Burning Man, for crying out loud, not Simmering Wimp!

[CornMan]

Dear Elliot,

Do you think the summer rains that have fallen on the Black Rock Desert will affect the PH balance of the playa surface? Also, do you have any useful strategies on how to protect our shoes and feet from mud and water at Burning Man this year?

[Elliot]

Dear Elliot,

Do you think the summer rains that have fallen on the Black Rock Desert will affect the PH balance of the playa surface? Also, do you have any useful strategies on how to protect our shoes and feet from mud and water at Burning Man this year?

Dear CornMan:

I seem to remember that the summer rains fall mainly in the plains of Spain, so no worries. But if you don’t know where I butchered that line from, you are too young, which can be a concern.

Now, if rain should still fall in Black Rock City, remove your shoes up to your hat and slide across the plains until you fall on your butt.

Next question!

[Conduit]

Elliot - how do you think this will work as flooring in my costco carport? I have a cheap canvass from harbor freight that has no grommets. I want to secure it to the playa. I bought some 8" galvanized nails and 2" diameter washers. I thought I would place one washer under the canvas and one directly over the top of it on the top of the canvas. I'll just pound the nail into the playa so that it rests just below the surface to protect toe stubbing.

[Elliot]

Elliot - how do you think this will work as flooring in my costco carport? I have a cheap canvass from harbor freight that has no grommets. I want to secure it to the playa. I bought some 8" galvanized nails and 2" diameter washers. I thought I would place one washer under the canvas and one directly over the top of it on the top of the canvas. I'll just pound the nail into the playa so that it rests just below the surface to protect toe stubbing.

Conduit - this sounds suspiciously like a legitimate question. How am I supposed to crack wise with that?!

When I set out to pack up last year I could not find the big rugs I had nailed (actually screwed) down outside my bus. They were there all right, but completely covered with our beloved Dust. So if you are trying to create a Dust free floor in that carport, you may need to bring a vacuum cleaner. A big vacuum cleaner, and use it frequently.

That said, your fastening method sounds fine to me. Don't forget the crow bar to pull the spikes back out.

Now back to our regularly scheduled Stuff.

[Conduit]

Elliot - how do you think this will work as flooring in my costco carport? I have a cheap canvass from harbor freight that has no grommets. I want to secure it to the playa. I bought some 8" galvanized nails and 2" diameter washers. I thought I would place one washer under the canvas and one directly over the top of it on the top of the canvas. I'll just pound the nail into the playa so that it rests just below the surface to protect toe stubbing.

Conduit - this sounds suspiciously like a legitimate question. How am I supposed to crack wise with that?!

When I set out to pack up last year I could not find the big rugs I had nailed (actually screwed) down outside my bus. They were there all right, but completely covered with our beloved Dust. So if you are trying to create a Dust free floor in that carport, you may need to bring a vacuum cleaner. A big vacuum cleaner, and use it frequently.

That said, your fastening method sounds fine to me. Don't forget the crow bar to pull the spikes back out.

Now back to our regularly scheduled Stuff.

Thanks Elliot! OK to make you feel better... How much Preparation H does a guy your age need to haul to the playa?

[Elliot]

...
Thanks Elliot! OK to make you feel better... How much Preparation H does a guy your age need to haul to the playa?

Thanks for asking.

[Conduit]

...
Thanks Elliot! OK to make you feel better... How much Preparation H does a guy your age need to haul to the playa?

Thanks for asking.

BRAVO!!!!!

[Elliot]

Of course.

Next question.

[TT120]

Dear Elliott:

Do you ever ask that "other" advice columnist guy for advice? He seems to know a lot of stuff too.

[Elliot]

Dear fellow:

You spelled my name wrong. Try again.

Harrumph.

[TT120]

Dear Elliot:

Do you ever ask that "other" advice columnist guy for advice? He seems to know a lot of stuff too.

Better?

[Elliot]

Dear Elliot:

Do you ever ask that "other" advice columnist guy for advice? He seems to know a lot of stuff too.

Better?

Dear TT120:
Yes, correct. You may live.
Guards! Send him away.

[CornMan]

Dear Elliot,

I am sorry to pepper you with so many questions, but there is so much to learn.

At first glance, my next question might seem simple, but if you really think about it, it gets a bit tricky when you factor in the differences in size and weight in U.S. vs European wheels and other variables. OK, here is my inquiry:

How much cheese can a chuck e. cheese chuck if a cheese chucker can chuck a cheese?

[Elliot]

Dear Elliot,

I am sorry to pepper you with so many questions, but there is so much to learn.

At first glance, my next question might seem simple, but if you really think about it, it gets a bit tricky when you factor in the differences in size and weight in U.S. vs European wheels and other variables. OK, here is my inquiry:

How much cheese can a chuck e. cheese chuck if a cheese chucker can chuck a cheese?

Guards! Off with his head!

[EspressoDude]

what size boat do we need for water skiing this year?

[Elliot]

what size boat do we need for water skiing this year?

For you, obviously...



art by Stan Mott

[geospyder]

Dear Neighbor Elliot,

I'm bringing my snorkel and flippers for recreational swimming but in case of serious flooding, how many people can Millicent hold?

[Elliot]

Dear Neighbor Elliot,

I'm bringing my snorkel and flippers for recreational swimming but in case of serious flooding, how many people can Millicent hold?

That depends on the Rate Of Circulation, a highly scientific formula. Millicent's roof is nominally 40' x 8', but it is arched, so people along the edges will keep sliding off as more people clamber on in the middle at front and rear. So it will be a fabulous water slide -- up the ladder, socialize for a while, slide into the water, up the ladder....

[Patsh]

Dearest Elliot,

I'm confused.
In my search for the perfect roof rack for my little car, I have heard the word, 'Thule', pronounced several different ways.

I thought I could straighten out my confusion by asking an expert on its original language.
Somehow, I don't really think it's pronounced, 'Toolie'.

Thank you,
signed, Hopefully Straightly Confused.

[Elliot]

Dearest Elliot,

I'm confused.
In my search for the perfect roof rack for my little car, I have heard the word, 'Thule', pronounced several different ways.

I thought I could straighten out my confusion by asking an expert on its original language.
Somehow, I don't really think it's pronounced, 'Toolie'.

Thank you,
signed, Hopefully Straightly Confused.

Simple. Fly to Greenland, ski to Thule, and ask any of the 626 inhabitants.




Or telephone the company headquarters in Sweden: +46 (0)40 635 90 00


P.S. Now ask AntiM about Tooele, Utah.

[Patsh]

well, fooey.

I seem to have somewhere else to go this week. And that's a rather long-distance number.

Looks like I'll have to remain clueless for a bit longer...
That's OK, as I've managed to get this old without ever knowing how to pronounce it.

[Elliot]

well, fooey.

I seem to have somewhere else to go this week. And that's a rather long-distance number.

Looks like I'll have to remain clueless for a bit longer...
That's OK, as I've managed to get this old without ever knowing how to pronounce it.

Looks like "Toolee". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thule_people

Or you could just buy a Yakima roof rack instead.

There's stuff to do today! I leave in 31 hours! *runs screaming....*

[Patsh]

well, fooey.

I seem to have somewhere else to go this week. And that's a rather long-distance number.

Looks like I'll have to remain clueless for a bit longer...
That's OK, as I've managed to get this old without ever knowing how to pronounce it.

Looks like "Toolee". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thule_people

Or you could just buy a Yakima roof rack instead.

There's stuff to do today! I leave in 31 hours! *runs screaming....*

That's OK.
I got a Rhino Rack.

[geospyder]

Who needs a roof rack - I have bungee cords. I always arrive with at least 60% of my load still on the roof Dear Elliot - how tight should I stretch the bungee cords?