Minimum Greet Lane?

bartholomew · Post by **bartholomew** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:05 pm

Have the folks who run Greeters ever considered having a veterans line or two? That is, one or more lanes with signs saying something like "Multi-year returnees Only" where the printed information and standard rules speech can be given in a minimum time? I love my time on the playa, but especially with gate now being a multi-hour ordeal, the last thing many of us want is to be stuck in yet another creeping line behind RV's full of enthusiastic virgins looking for The Full Greeter Experience (tm). I understand that many people enjoy greeting, and many (especially virgins) enjoy being greeted, but after spending X hours waiting to be searched at Gate, a lot of us are in no mood to simulate enthusiasm for the greeters when all we want at that point is to get to camp and set up. I have never volunteered for Greeters in my 13 years on the playa (volunteering for needed services appeals to me more), but I would be happy to do a shift or two at the Curmudgeon Lane. Hell, I'd even make the sign. Perhaps we could borrow a slogan from the old Jiffy Lube: "Get In, Get Speeched, Get Out!".

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:27 pm

hippie talk rebuttal in 10...9...8...7...

They'll tell you that they only take a couple minutes per car, that you can bypass the fanfare yourself, that there already is a speed thru lane...

Post by **Savannah** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:33 pm

Who needs hippies when LonesomeBri is around?

bartholomew · Post by **bartholomew** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:39 pm

Lonesomebri wrote:hippie talk rebuttal in 10...9...8...7...

They'll tell you that they only take a couple minutes per car, that you can bypass the fanfare yourself, that there already is a speed thru lane...

There is? Sweet! How is it marked?

Post by **Savannah** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:53 pm

bartholomew wrote:
Lonesomebri wrote:hippie talk rebuttal in 10...9...8...7...

They'll tell you that they only take a couple minutes per car, that you can bypass the fanfare yourself, that there already is a speed thru lane...
There is? Sweet! How is it marked?

It isn't, really. If available, they're usually completely empty and at the far left, the furthest distance away from the Greeter outbuilding/bathrooms.

If it's a high traffic time, all lanes may be full, but Greeters are supposed to wave people through more quickly then (to the point that people have complained about that, too). Whether they Greet efficiently at high traffic times or not depends on whether they've read the memo.

If you have no choice but to go through a lane with Greeters and don't wish to take more than 2 minutes, stay in the car, be pleasant, and confess that you are tired and would just like your map and guide, please. I haven't greeted in a few years, but trust me: I don't want to greet people who don't want to be greeted. Then again, I'm pretty quick about things unless the driver rats out a virgin who clearly craves some pageantry.

If you genuinely want to take a Curmudgeon Greeting shift, that's hilarious. Click "Volunteer" on the lower left on the main site's home page, and show people how it's done. I would actually wait until Jan or Feb to do so, however, as I get the impression that a lot of volunteer departments have a chronological Never-Never-Land each year, during which the processing of applications is pretty delayed.

bartholomew · Post by **bartholomew** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:00 pm

Very useful information, thank you! I always thought the Greeter station was non-optional. Knowing that the unoccupied lanes on the left are to avoid it entirely will make next year better already.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:08 pm

Could we maybe choose between a Greeters Lane or a K9 lane, depending on our sensibilities?
Sometimes a dog sniffing your crotch is the least of two evils.

BBadger · Post by **BBadger** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:22 pm

Shucks, in 2012 we must've hit one of those "fast-track" lanes because we were just outright ignored by the people there. All they did was talk to each other, ignoring us. It reminded me of the useless cheerleaders at my high school -- who were more interested in yakking with each other during games than anything else.

I do think the greeting is fun (and it could get old too), but my main regret of that incident was that they didn't give us any of the guides and stuff.

Maybe there could just be a large lane with a sign "Fast Track, No Greeters." They could have a booth where they just give you your docs and let you through. Then again, I people may suspect it as some sort of funny art thing and go there thinking they'll get greeted regardless.

bartholomew · Post by **bartholomew** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:34 pm

BBadger wrote:
Maybe there could just be a large lane with a sign "Fast Track, No Greeters." They could have a booth where they just give you your docs and let you through. Then again, I people may suspect it as some sort of funny art thing and go there thinking they'll get greeted regardless.

I like it! We could come up with a magnetic bobble that sticks on the roof, and have greeters direct you to the EasyPass lane.

BoyScoutGirl · Post by **BoyScoutGirl** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:40 pm

Savannah wrote: If it's a high traffic time, all lanes may be full, but Greeters are supposed to wave people through more quickly then (to the point that people have complained about that, too). Whether they Greet efficiently at high traffic times or not depends on whether they've read the memo.

Is this why the bell hasn't been out Sunday night for the past two years?

Post by **Savannah** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:00 pm

BoyScoutGirl wrote:
Savannah wrote: If it's a high traffic time, all lanes may be full, but Greeters are supposed to wave people through more quickly then (to the point that people have complained about that, too). Whether they Greet efficiently at high traffic times or not depends on whether they've read the memo.
Is this why the bell hasn't been out Sunday night for the past two years?

Almost certainly.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:11 pm

If you genuinely want to take a Curmudgeon Greeting shift, that's hilarious.

Yes, I will try this next year, work from the inside for change. Perhaps along with a hug and the official moop handouts, give the newbs a congratulatory cold beer for making it to the playa, introduce them immediately to BRC justice as they enter the gates home. Instead of ringing a bell, flashing lights will entertain. Lots of laughs. Though I'm sure, me being a sucker for peer pressure, I'll be hugging frat boys and complimenting feather outfits 10 minutes into my shift. Anyway, I half support the Greeters because it's almost like a very bad cantankerous asshole joke, the type I like, having that kind of wait, hours and hours and hours, finally getting the go, then having to stop because some other member of that same group waiting in that same line I'm dead tired with and hating WANTS to stop again, they waited that same line and want the wait longer, for a hug, and I sit with the promised land just beyond those smiling feel good photo ops, fuming in the car, waiting.... Add that the joke is played completely straight; only a curmudgeon would want to shorten the time people wait, all the beautiful positive folks want the wait longer, no one cracks a laugh at that. Hilarious as a performance piece. It's genius. That, I support.

BurningRage (Large).jpg

Sic Pup · Post by **Sic Pup** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:54 am

I pull up:

Greeter (with an unidentifiable European accent) : We're speed greeting.

Me: Awesome.

Greeter: Have you been before (handing map/WWW)?

Me: Yes

Greeter: Have a great burn and mind your speed the LEOs are restless.

Me: You too, and thanks.

I pull away and hear her yell over to the greeter in the next lane "That was an awesome one" I'm certain more to do with what I didn't do or say than anything else. One of the few example in life where being a curt NYer pays off outside of one's natural habitat (doesn't work so well at Artica....... dance for my ice my ass).

I was in the second to leftmost lane (trying to stay as far away from our friends in involuntary donation mode as possible).

Nipple · Post by **Nipple** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:04 pm

I want the curmudgeon lane to be designated with a tattered gray triangle tent, lit by a dangling incandescent bulb.

It should be staffed by an unmoving person with folded arms and a scowl. Next to them there should be a sign that says "Sorry! Back in:" but instead of the customary clock, it's just a big middle finger.

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:09 pm

Since my greeters shtick was a bit more fuckery than huggery, I asked very seriously if there were any virgins in the car. If so, then on with the routine. If not I immediately smiled and said "Welcome home. Would you like to get out and give me a hug or would you like to just continue on to camp?"

Very, very few people said no to the hug.

Post by **Savannah** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:10 pm

Nipple wrote:I want the curmudgeon lane to be designated with a tattered gray triangle tent, lit by a dangling incandescent bulb.

It should be staffed by an unmoving person with folded arms and a scowl. Next to them there should be a sign that says "Sorry! Back in:" but instead of the customary clock, it's just a big middle finger.

Post by **trilobyte** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:16 pm

All the proper playa veterans are coming in early on large scale camps and projects

Post by **trilobyte** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:19 pm

I kid with regards to saying proper. But seriously - get involved with bigger projects next year. The bigger the project, the earlier you arrive (with proper paperwork, of course). The earlier you arrive, the quicker you get through gate and greeters.

illy dilly · Post by **illy dilly** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:22 pm

bartholomew wrote:Have the folks who run Greeters ever considered having a veterans line or two? That is, one or more lanes with signs saying something like "Multi-year returnees Only" where the printed information and standard rules speech can be given in a minimum time?

YES!!!!!!
We need this!
A S.T.O.P. Slight Tap On Pedal lane. You pull up slowly, stop, Greeter says "Welcome to Home! How many?" You reply how many WWW's you need. Greeter hands them to you. Everyone yells to each other "Have a Great Burn" as you drive away.

trilobyte wrote:I kid with regards to saying proper. But seriously - get involved with bigger projects next year. The bigger the project, the earlier you arrive (with proper paperwork, of course). The earlier you arrive, the quicker you get through gate and greeters.

Completely Agreed! Sunday (Tuesday) arrival sucks, but some years Default doesn't allow for big projects or EA.

I have a story of poor Greeting, but I think it might be my "Worst of 2013".

Elliot · Post by **Elliot** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:31 pm

And there weren't any Greeters at all when I arrived! I was cheated!

Say, what's with the Naked Greeters shift? Might have been on Wednesday -- I noticed something from my Perimeter patrol tank. Assuming I make it down to 175 pounds and build a tiny bit of muscle, I might volunteer for that.

Post by **Savannah** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:35 pm

The Naked Greeter's Shift is typically Wednesday Noon to 4pm. I know this because I've worked the 8am-Noon Wednesday shift in the past, and know that when the naked guys start showin' up, it's time to go home.

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:38 pm

VultureChow wrote:Since my greeters shtick was a bit more fuckery than huggery, I asked very seriously if there were any virgins in the car. If so, then on with the routine. If not I immediately smiled and said "Welcome home. Would you like to get out and give me a hug or would you like to just continue on to camp?"

Very, very few people said no to the hug.

YOU WERE FUCKING TERRIFIC VC ON POOP PATROL! What a gift you gave of yourself at Greeters Station!
You were so loaded for bear after going on shift with me. I so appreciate you getting in the Poop Mobile just before greeter shift!
And after seeing you at the M&G it was secured: YOU are a fucking rock star out there. I so want you in my car again!

maladroit · Post by **maladroit** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:40 pm

My Greeter was tired after an RV-load of virgins, EA Friday...we did a handshake, "Welcome back" and the maps plus watch-out-cops-are-droolin', then I was through. I came through again on Tuesday and was glad that everything was in place to properly induct my virgin rider

strange love · Post by **strange love** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:47 pm

A highly visible "fast track" lane would be awesome. Maybe they could make the www books available at Playa Info for all of us who would rather skip the greeters.

Post by **Savannah** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:51 pm

strange love wrote:A highly visible "fast track" lane would be awesome. Maybe they could make the www books available at Playa Info for all of us who would rather skip the greeters.

They do.

Skip Greeters. You absolutely can, unless there are cars fulla virgins blocking each lane.

Elliot · Post by **Elliot** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 4:57 pm

Savannah wrote:...when the naked guys start showin' up...

Just guys?! What's with this imbalance? The Naked Pub Crawl Bike Ride has the same problem, so I don't do that anymore. Oh well.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:08 pm

Savannah wrote:Skip Greeters. You absolutely can, unless there are cars fulla virgins blocking each lane.

Heck, cars in front of us? What? In each lane? Never! I get it now, the greeters is a way to pressure us to volunteer with early entry projects. But please tell me it is also still a complex performance stick-it to ya joke, along with the strong armed hippie compelling. To think, you could avoid the greeters by becoming one. This gets more genius as I learn. The beauty of the thing is starting to jell in my brain. I really do love how as humans I can see this one way, and the deluded needy seeking hugs, another.

My newbie loved the greeters. My guidance could only do so much.......

Just guys?! What's with this imbalance?

You see, they are old men, like me, old men make fools of themselves.....

forty_eight · Post by **forty_eight** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 5:24 pm

We arrived during the Naked Greeters shift. Who wouldn't want MOAR of that? LOL

But, we were virgins so it had a lot more 'meaning' ... the meaning being: yep, it's about to get fucking weird.

Haha, seriously though, hugging a naked person as the first thing you do in BRC is pretty much an epic pace setter.

---

I'll edit to say that our greeters were a guy and a girl - got memorable hugs from both of them with little of it having to do with their nudity. First hugs in BRC - not gonna forget!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:04 pm

I wonder if a bunch of you showed up ready to "man" a curmudgeon greeter's lane if you could make that happen.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:30 pm

I rode out to the gate one day back a few years, turns out it must have been Wednesday, but, yeah, watching the new arrivals greeted by and then hug a naked person... That is great. Very very very cool. Loved watching it. A Jackass buddy I know convinced me that the newbs rolling in dust at the gate wasn't as annoying as I thought, it just gets alot of the reservations, apprehensions, and fake boundaries out of the way real fast. Gets the party started. As with the pulling up with the family in the RV, the naked Greet let's 'em know.

Anyway, if I rolled to the gate and was greeted by Savannah, well, I think that would cause me to totally solidify my support for the Greeters.

Minimum Greet Lane?

Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?

Re: Minimum Greet Lane?