Suicidal Tendencies

[Elliot]

Ooo.... I just stumbled onto this:

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”
--Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

[Elorrum]

"place the oxygen mask over your own face, before you place one on the person or child sitting next to you."
You cannot transmit something you haven't got. (o.k. grammatically it should probably be "something you do not have." but "haven't got" hits the mark better I think)
Wtg delle, calling the calvalry. Some people are trained to deal with this, and it's no weakness to call them in.

[theCryptofishist]

"place the oxygen mask over your own face, before you place one on the person or child sitting next to you."
You cannot transmit something you haven't got. (o.k. grammatically it should probably be "something you do not have." but "haven't got" hits the mark better I think)

I support this use of the english language...

[Aurelia]

Darling Delle
Please , you have my # and yes this is something I did for reals
I would do it for you and yours anytime
xoA.

[ygmir]

please take care of you, Delle. Please.
you are so much, to so many of us, and hearing this it torture.
Many of us, would say "give him my phone number", to try to lighten your load.
But, really, you have to do that.
At a point, you gotta think about you, and those you love. It's not fair, to burn yourself out, on one person, when you can and do, help so many. (rubs ankle).
Don't, go down the rabbit hole with him.......at a point, you must let go.

Please Delle.

[delle]

"place the oxygen mask over your own face, before you place one on the person or child sitting next to you."

Wise, wise, wise.

But it would appear there is only one mask, functioning at half capacity, and he seems to think that I can hold my breath indefinitely.

Of course it's my fault for giving him this impression. I try not to let my own problems interfere with his. That obviously has to stop.

Last night he was actually choking on the phone as he related his day to me. It was a fucking disastrous day... I couldn't reassure him, because he'd really REALLY done the wrong thing, and then made it wronger, and then wronger still....

I actually crumbled physically under the weight of his call, while Ken watched me with sad eyes, understanding everything without hearing a single word. "Domino effect" came to mind....


...Then almost immediately after I hung up, my daughter called in tears -- overwhelmed by a paper due today that she just couldn't seem to get up to her standards. (worse still, "the standards others expect of her")

And my heart broke within a minute of answering her call. My almost empty empathetic purse had been completely given to someone else and I had to actually fight myself to find the compassion, understanding and words necessary to soothe of the people I love and care the most about in the world.

Fortunately she is strong, and fortunately I did find the right words and tone and was able to help quell her fears -- and fortunately today she is feeling much, much better about the whole thing.

Because her ordeal had an end-date. A due-date. A "this will be over tomorrow afternoon" clause, which is a golden egg in such matters. Mister No.1 has only a dead chicken stuffed in his shirt that just smells worse every day, and for some reason all he can think to do with it is call in the crocodiles. ...And then call me to ask how the hell he's supposed to survive, surrounded by all these hungry beasts.

Meanwhile, back at the hearth, I'm trying to poof my hairdo and touch up my makeup and flatten the pleats in my perfectly pressed dress, waiting for the next knock on the door to hostess with tea and perfect homebaked cookies, and the perfect smile and a perfectly timed "pat, pat, There, There". (hahahaha. ok, that was just too much)

No really. Meanwhile, back at the hearth, I'm just venting. Venting thru a smelly burned and torn bush-shirt (sorry about that), with my head up the chimney, smoking too many cigarettes, but just venting nonetheless.

I am not in peril. I just need a shower.

And I'm not answering the phone anymore. Unless it's my daughter.

Meds-switching. Always such an adventure!!!

I thank you all for listening to my stinky vent... but really that's all it is. A breathing out of the pollution so I can again fill my lungs with pure fresh positive air.

Please don't anyone breathe this in. Not this. I have opened the window. Please use it.

[FIGJAM]

WOW!!!

The universe really gave you a dope slap on that one.

Hope you've learned something because there WILL be a test later.

No grades, just pass/fail.

[Elliot]

Hey Delle, you already passed Figjam's test -- you vented, and you recognized that you need to consider your own health first, so now the worst is over.

[delle]

Yeah but can I still bitch about it?

Because somehow it just feels soothing to turn "fucked up" into an arrangement words that make me smile when I see them on the page.

I swear the vision of me in a pinafore with freshly rolled hair was the highlight of my day so far.

...Picture me thusly, but now flanked by two crocodiles (playing cards, smoking all my damned cigarettes), waiting for the phone to ring.


I KNOW there'll be a fight as to who answers the call

...so I've hidden the phone.

[Elliot]

Vent, bitch, swing by my house and kick me in the shin. Whatever it takes to let off steam in a harmless way. Pent up frustration is the enemy.

Also, sleep -- good deep sleep for many hours -- is vital to well-being. Sleep deprivation -- shallow sleep -- turned out to be my main problem for several years -- my mind was still churning with daytime concerns even though my eyes were closed.

What are your plans for the 2014 burn? Your five totes and bags of camping gear are safely wintering in my barn and rearing to go.

[delle]

Vent, bitch, swing by my house and kick me in the shin. Whatever it takes to let off steam in a harmless way. Pent up frustration is the enemy.

Also, sleep -- good deep sleep for many hours -- is vital to well-being. Sleep deprivation -- shallow sleep -- turned out to be my main problem for several years -- my mind was still churning with daytime concerns even though my eyes were closed.

What are your plans for the 2014 burn? Your five totes and bags of camping gear are safely wintering in my barn and rearing to go.

Funny I was JUST talking about sleep with another friend.
Fortunately for me sleep isn't the issue it was. Some of that has to do with drugs, some to do with tricks I've learned, and some to do with usually not having to get up at any set time.


Regarding August 2014: I have yet to commit to things happening in imminent days... there's not much I can say definitively about August.

Tho of course my immediate answer is nonetheless "Thank god it's already there for when I'll be needing it. Because For SURE I'll be needing it."
(I'm not sure you realize how incredibly freeing it is having it there.... it's a wonderful thing!!!)

[delle]

Vent, bitch.....

No fair.
Apparently my tourettes is but a symptom which should soon pass...
....this board, however, exists forever.


or until Eric gets too tired

[delle]

Really?

I think my own chicken has started to smell and one of the crocodiles is looking at me funny.


(quick preen in the mirror. Nope. Shouldn't have done that either)


Cookie, anyone?

[FIGJAM]

Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

When one or more of those is not taken care of it will magnify the perceived problem.

[delle]

...biting each others' tails and becoming "Lost".


Good advice.

[Elliot]

Hmmmm.... I meant "Vent, bitch,..." both as verbs! If I had meant a noun, I would have used upper case B.

[delle]

Yikes. That one never occurred to me

blame it on being a lowercased delle, I suppose.

(great save, either way...)

[Elliot]

...

Regarding August 2014: I have yet to commit to things happening in imminent days... there's not much I can say definitively about August.

Tho of course my immediate answer is nonetheless "Thank god it's already there for when I'll be needing it. Because For SURE I'll be needing it."
(I'm not sure you realize how incredibly freeing it is having it there.... it's a wonderful thing!!!)

There are reasons why BM is so popular. One of them is that such a Total Vacation is downright necessary to keep us sane in today's grotesquely complex world. You are all going every year from now on, and that's that! Me too, for sure.

Oh, and now that you mention it.... I have never understood why so many ePlayans spell their monicker in all lower case?

And on that note... I have always liked the German way of capitalizing all Nouns. It eliminates any possible noun/verb confusion.

[delle]

And on that note... I have always liked the German way of capitalizing all Nouns. It eliminates any possible noun/verb confusion.

Might we get Fishy's ok on adopting this as an acceptable procedure within Eplaya?

Its mere mention could become a status symbol.

Like the ROS and CCCP and stuff.......

[delle]

As to the rest of it:

YES. to Burning Man. Just say YES to Burning Man.

YES!


and speaking solely for myself the diminutive "d" is totally an act of false modesty. I can't speak for others, who may just be lazy....

[delle]

I just read my daughter's paper, finally now submitted.

It was a 16-page discourse on Daft Punk's Random Access Memories, and most particularly the importance of the song Touch within the overall story.

Now I'm no fan of electronic music of any kind, really. I've never heard the album, but her paper made me want to listen to the album. To hear the dialogues and the nuances and the whole cast of characters that told such a compelling story I hadn't yet heard....

and so I downloaded the album and listened to it from the beginning...

Mid-way through the song “Touch”, I found myself – midstep, mind you – crumpling to the floor in the most gutwrenching sob... that almost immediately morphed to include an absolutely hysterical laughter.

And I got to have them both! Together! It was the most incredible thing I think I've ever experienced. It was all just too à propos.... went too deeply in too many different directions, all of them so open and raw and waiting....

My heart was both exploded and made whole all at once.


Yikes.


I think I need a simple Shirley Temple movie now or something.

[theCryptofishist]

And on that note... I have always liked the German way of capitalizing all Nouns. It eliminates any possible noun/verb confusion.

Might we get Fishy's ok on adopting this as an acceptable procedure within Eplaya?

Its mere mention could become a status symbol.

Like the ROS and CCCP and stuff.......

Um. Look at some of my old posts. What I got from german was to go all bauhaus. Yes, the spellcheck wants me to capitalize both those words. Bauhaus doesn't. (okay, okay I still do the first letter of the sentence, but in most cases I have a tendency not to. The other thing I got for german was not to capitalize proper noun adjectives. For theme, I might say American Dream. In regular typing it's almost certainly american dream...)

[Aurelia]

Sorry but I have to say there are several Germanic types here.

obedience is not a strong suit

xoA.

[theCryptofishist]

Sorry but I have to say there are several Germanic types here.

obedience is not a strong suit

xoA.

Well, it was 70 or so years ago.

[Aurelia]

and the forum is
suicidal tendencies

however you read it your way as your German and mine are polar opposites

[tatonka]

[media]

[Aurelia]

Yes !

and the message is clear
burner forever

[delle]

Wow, Tatonka..... just WOW.

I have never really understood that song. It was just one of those tunes with words that although I heard and knew as both beautiful and tragic... never really understood. I'd never made the VanGogh connection....

Thank you for clearing that up. I'll never listen to that song the same way again.

[theCryptofishist]

Redemption?

[maryanimal]

The one and only person who ever truly loved me will be leaving me. I'm not sure when. I always told myself when my mom passes, I'll want to go with her, and that time is nearing and that feeling is there. I'm not crazy, and it may be coming from a deep sadness, but right now it's what I want. 5 years ago I tried to take my life. It felt so right at the time as it does now. I need help.