Elliot's Bicycle Service & Tap Room

[Ratty]

Hey Elliot, during the event how many people say their butt hurts? I'm in the process of cutting up a giant, heavy faux-fur bedspread. It's too dense to make costumes.

When my husband and I go to Thailand or Viet Nam we bring long, heavy rubber bands. We use them to attach hand towels to our bike seats for comfort. Works like a charm.

I'll pick up some suitable free foam sometime this year and attach it to the fur with just a couple of hand stitches. The first batch are 14" square because my bike seat is 10 X 10. I'll make more of the smaller ones for those hard little racing seats. I like this project. Quick and easy. I'll get at least 40 fat furry bike seat covers from this old fur. The picture shows it before and after combing.

[Elliot]

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Numb-butt complaints? Many. Simple fact is that few of us ride bicycles much during the other 51 weeks.

And I see a lot of saddles with improvised padding -- most attached with tape. But many of them are sliding off to one side, or otherwise failing, so attachment seems to be difficult. Even store-bought form-fitted padded covers with a draw-string often fail quickly. Glad to hear your rubber band method works well.
But I feel there is simply no substitute for a wide and cushy saddle in good condition. So you might want to invest the 25 bucks in your own bike. This being your own bike, you will not need to adjust the saddle height during the week, so if it has a quick-release, you can replace that with a bolt-and-nut, to minimize the risk of theft.

That said, Ratty, OF COURSE you should proceed with your project! I bet you will hardly need to leave camp to find grateful recipients. Just make sure the cover can be fastened very securely.

On that note…. A couple years ago I removed a saddle with a wad of plaid flannel cloth. Miraculously, the tape peeled right off without leaving glue. So I unfolded the cloth. Then laundered it. And I wear that flawless long-sleeved shirt every winter. Gives me that rugged outdoorsy lumberjack look.

[Ratty]

That is too funny.
Yes, I will go ahead with the fur-padding-rubberband project. We've used it for many years abroad and it works great. Luckily I have a great seat on my own bike. I think I'll check for a quick release on it. Good point. I don't want to be bike seat theme camp but ok. I am thinking of being 'Street Sign Replacement Camp'. I need to work out the details of materials and attachment. This year the signs disappeared the first day. Really people! 'Airplane, John Frum'. How selfish they were to strip the poles the minute they got there.

It's fun designing the replacements.

[Elliot]

... I am thinking of being 'Street Sign Replacement Camp'. I need to work out the details of materials and attachment. This year the signs disappeared the first day. Really people! ...

This is an example of why I sometimes rant about ticket-holders who (in my personal non-all-inclusionary opinion) fail to "get" BM.

But.... Wonderful news! A "care package" just arrived from Blueschaser. Pedals, cables, a saddle and other brand new parts! He is able to buy these at wholesale -- specially this time of year when summer stuff is swept off the shelves in favor of winter stuff, I imagine. Several Loaner Bikes will be very happy.

[cosmic-honey]

I'm new to ePlaya and 2014 will be my first burn, BUT I bike year round and do my own maintenance. I have all sorts of spare parts and would absolutely love to spend a couple of hours helping out! And hostess/triage sounds like a blast, too.

[cosmic-honey]

Did I mention that I'm also a huge beer fan? I'm talking the good shit. I'll be bringing enough to share next year. Beer + Bicylces = happy me! By the way, I'm Jocelyn

[Elliot]

I'm new to ePlaya and 2014 will be my first burn, BUT I bike year round and do my own maintenance. I have all sorts of spare parts and would absolutely love to spend a couple of hours helping out! And hostess/triage sounds like a blast, too.

Did I mention that I'm also a huge beer fan? I'm talking the good shit. I'll be bringing enough to share next year. Beer + Bicylces = happy me! By the way, I'm Jocelyn

Fantabulous!

Considering we have accomplished quite a bit in past years without much planning, this year – with planning already begun -- will be outstanding!

We will keep in touch as the event approaches. You will discover that it is (pleasantly) difficult to arrive anywhere in BRC to a pre-arranged time, but it will work out great (as it always does in BRC).

As for “the good shit beer”, it will of course be most welcome if you serve a sample or two, as an alternative to PBR. (Though, be advised, PBR is the “official” beer of BM. ) We have a real refrigerator to keep it cold.

[cosmic-honey]

I'm certainly not above an ice cold PBR, but a girl's gotta have her options I CAN'T WAIT!

[Elliot]

Announcing!

Elliot’s Camel Shoeing and Tea Parlour

Now that we are going to operate in a caravanserai on the old Silk Road, where camels are more common than bicycles, we are adding camel repair to our services. We will patch flat hooves and whatever else is necessary to assist with our customers’ camel maintenance needs.








Any serious cases of camel toes should be brought to the immediate attention of the proprietor.
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[FIGJAM]

Don't forget the rocks!!!

[Elliot]

I seem to have already forgotten these... rocks...?

[unjonharley]

again Elliot, You don't shoe camel toes..

Don't forget to brick your camel..

[Elliot]

For the record, I reckon camels don't use shoes. And I looked up "camel toes" in Urban Dictionary. And I gather the rock or brick is to "calm" the camel before surgery?
My brother actually has two camels. Owns them, lock stock and humps. I hand-fed them last April, and kept all my fingers. Of course, my brother runs a zoo!

This Arabian Truck Stop theme seems to have good potential. I'm checking garage sales for more Persian rugs to use in camp.

A few weeks ago I scored a costco carport and an 18' diameter exo-skeletal dome, and I'm trying to think of how we might best put them to use in camp.

We have a couple more volunteers penciled in for a shift or two of bicycle repair. I'll introduce the gang when we get closer to the event. Of course, we could still use more.

And a veterinarian.

[Mia]

Hi Elliot I love your bus, it's so pretty, I know it was said before but it's just beautiful. As a person who hasn't been on a bike in 20+/- years and is planning on buying one when I land in Reno, do you have training wheels? I might need a set

[FIGJAM]

This guy named Joe was going into the desert for a week and he needed a camel for the trip. Joe was a stranger to the desert but was able to locate a rent-a-camel office. Joe tells the rent-a-camel man that he will be making a long trip through the desert for one week. The rent-a-camel man says even his best camel can only go 4 days without water. After some discussion, the rent-a-camel man says "I don't like to suggest this, but you know a good camel can go an extra 3 days or more if he is rocked." Joe agrees to take the best camel. As he leaves the rent-a-camel office, the rent-a-camel man reminds Joe to rock the camel. Not wanting to display his ignorance, Joe doesn't ask about the procedure for rocking the camel. Well Joe knows that it is a long difficult trip for the camel and lets it eat ant drink its fill. He encourages the camel to take on all the water it can by rocking the camel back and forth while it drinks to get all the air out and all the water the camel can hold in. Sure enough 4 days into the trip the camel drops dead. Poor Joe barely makes it back to town alive and can't wait to confront the rent-a-camel man. "You rented me a poor camel", Joe says, "It died after only 4 days in the desert, and I almost perished with it." The puzzled rent-a-camel man looks up at Joe and says, "He was my best camel. Did you rock him?" Mad as hell, Joe replies, "Hell yes I rocked him." The rent-a-camel man explains that when the camel bends over to take water, you take two rocks and slam his gonads, as the camel gasps with his head in the water he takes on another 3 to 4 day supply of water. (hear the actual sound - .wav file requires multimedia) "My GOD", Joe says," Doesn't that hurt?" The rent-a-camel man answers, "No! Just keep your thumbs out of the way when you slam the rocks together."

[smilemore]

Good story Figjam!

[unjonharley]

Good story Figjam!

That story was going around when I was a kid

[FIGJAM]

Yep, and I edited it because I heard it with rocks, not bricks.

[unjonharley]

Yep, and I edited it because I heard it with rocks, not bricks.

No wounder camels spit at people.

Now back to Elliot's bike repair..

[ygmir]

For the record, I reckon camels don't use shoes. And I looked up "camel toes" in Urban Dictionary. And I gather the rock or brick is to "calm" the camel before surgery?
*snipped*

Elliot: I was referring to a different version of "camel toes", nothing to do with rocks or bricks.......though potentially descriptive of certain reactions.

[shLong]

Hi, Elliot. Long time listener, first time caller....

I camp at Spank the Monkey (5&C) and it seemed to me like they're in that rough area usually. If it really is right down the street again, or even if not, I think I'd like to give you a hand and give a little something back to the playa.

I'm not much of a bike mechanic, but I'm quick on the uptake, will consider working naked, and will assist you in drinking beers.

If you need another hand, be sure to let me know....

[Elliot]

Mia:
Hey Maria!

Thank you for the kind words about Millicent The Bus. This blatant flattery earns you a gold-plated pair of rocket-powered training wheels, to be installed on the bicycle of your choice by a crew of singing eunuchs.

Seriously (yeah, that’ll be the day!), bicycling is famously easy to “not forget”, and you have seven months to practice. (And no excuses. When I was a youngster in Norway I hand-crafted snow-chains for my bicycle! (And it was always uphill both ways.))

Training wheels are, in my opinion, an absolutely horrid invention. Please don’t even think it, other than as a joke. Which I trust it was.

There is a lot to be said for tricycles on the Playa, but they cost more than bicycles, and they take up so much more space to transport.

You say you may wind up buying a bicycle in Reno…. Do you mean a factory-new one, or a junker from one of the Pre-Playafied Playa Bike vendors?
I urge you to stay clear of the Pre-Burned-Bike vendors, regardless of how reputable the vendor may be in other contexts. I get too many repair customers with defective bikes that came straight from such vendors.
I hate telling anybody to buy a $69.95 bicycle from one of the China-Marts, but I accept it as the lesser of evils for our purpose. And I’m trying to find the Westward Passage to China.

You could also grovel and beg for a Loaner Bicycle from a certain (and certainly disreputable) Bicycle Service & Camel Shoeing Establishment.



S.H. Long:
Hey Josh!

As with any multinational conglomerate, we occasionally revisit our job descriptions and hiring policies. Currently, new Naked Technician hires in the Bicycle Services Division must have a PhD. and be female.

Seriously (hrmmmph), I’ll put you down as Apprentice Bronze Tool Polisher and Persian Rug Sweeper. Of course, you have seven months to take the appropriate Acme Correspondence Course (14.95 Rupees, in advance) and become a Journeypersonage Camel Veterinariarian – in which case Volunteer Beer Drinking will be the least of your problems.
P.S: Bring your cute girlfriend.



Ygmir, Figjam, Not-Jon, et al:
Hey youse bums – I get it already, already, already.

[shLong]

How'd you do that? LOL

[Elliot]

How'd you do that? LOL

The Great Salami Al Elliot knows everything, does everything. Simsalabim. *Poof*

[shLong]

"OH, WHY I OUGHTA......."
BANG! POW! ZOOM! , STRAIGHT TO THE MOON!


lucky guess with the girlfriend then I'll assume
And saw my intro post for my name.

I'm on to you.....

[Elliot]

"OH, WHY I OUGHTA......."
BANG! POW! ZOOM! , STRAIGHT TO THE MOON!


lucky guess with the girlfriend then I'll assume
And saw my intro post for my name.

I'm on to you.....

Then you must be a better man than I, Woodworker.

Give my best to Katie.

*poof*

[shLong]

I will
Curious business... I will admit, I am curious.
Either you're a mushroom fan, or you're a shifty Facebook user

[Elliot]

.
And I'm the one who requested we stay on topic in this thread. Shame on me.

At any rate, I've been picking up more bicycle pedals, some used, some new. Take a look at the pedals on your Playa bike: Plastic ones often break -- I mean, just flat break. Get metal ones. Your Humble Servant Salami Al Elliot has spoken.

[unjonharley]

Do not forget to stop by Elliot's Used Camel Lot

[Elliot]

Do not forget to stop by Elliot's Used Camel Lot

Oh wow, Jon, you are really awake this morning!
Yes, indeed, this is where we trade second-hand camels:





Funny how the first face that appeared in my mind was not King Arthur, but Jackie Kennedy.

Reserved loaners are now up to 28, and that's after a couple has dropped out to have a baby this year instead. And both of them did a bit of bicycle repair last year, so we lost their services in that respect. But next year there will be three of them to help out!

I'm picking up a few pieces of furniture and rugs that may pass as Caravansary Stuff for camp.

And there is a secondary activity afoot -- a Misting Booth that people can stand in to receive a cooling blast of fog. I'll dedicate 20 or 30 gallons a day. The first idea was to pump the water with a stationary bicycle (natch!), but I'm also considering an other old trick of mine; a throw-a-ball-at-a-target arrangement, like a dunk tank, to release the spray.
I figure this goes well with the oasis element of the concept. (Goes well, getit?)