Best Line Today

[lemur]

"these two bishops are talking to each other and they are lamenting the moral state of the nation.. and one says to the other 'well, i certainly didnt sleep with my wife before we were married..' and he says to the other bishop, "how about you?" ..other the bishop responds..."i dont know.. what was her maiden name?"

[ygmir]

ETA: wrong link. oops, double post.

[knowmad]

Are you having a Stroke?

[FIGJAM]

"It's like Santa for your vagina!"

[tatonka]

"the trouble is you think you have time" Budda

[tatonka]

you have the right to remain silent , didnt have the ability .

[C.f.M.]

Some people just need a high-five.






...in the face.

[lemur]

"the mangled corpse of a beagle wearing a fighter helmet was found in the wreckage"

[tatonka]

mother nature , shes alot smarter than you .

[gyre]

"I thought it was another meth lab blowing up."

-- response to an earthquake in the midwest
-- by a 13 year old

[gyre]

("you could do better, you know?")

"I know. But I was blessed with very low standards."


-- from After You've Gone

[Oldguy]

“L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem” (“May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year”).

[lothos 1162]

Me to my 3 female rideshares...I want you to remember only 1 word...my name Andy. The girls...Why? My reply...because you'll be screaming it later through the ball gag.It really worked!

[gyre]

" Comedy is Tragedy in long shot. "


--- Buster Keaton

[VultureChow]

Went out tonight. Bartender had his iPhone plugged in for music in the whole restaurant. Server comes over and tells him the manager said to put it on airplane mode. Bartender replied, "I've got it on Van Morrison. How more airplane can I get?"

[gyre]

"It sounds like the worst place in the world."


--- Jimmy Kimmel - interviewing Stacy Keebler about burning man, dust and weather


No, I've never heard of her either, but her description was pretty good.

Burning man has become far too hep for me.
Time to become a guide for Pdiddy or somebody and start another event.

[FIGJAM]

I'm against animal testing.......... they get nervous and give silly answers.

[Patsh]

"You'd need two legs of different lengths to dance to that."

[TomServo]

"Green! Fuck Yeah!"

[Box Burner]

while the pessimist and the optimist were arguing over whether the glass was half empty or half full, I drank it.

[gyre]

Maybe the glass is just the wrong size?


Question:
Do you smell that?

"No I don't.
And you don't either."

---- Willie Nelson

[tatonka]

Its better to be kind than right

[Lonesomebri]

"The power of accurate observation is often
called cynicism by those who have not got it."
- George Bernard Shaw

[Isotopia]

Best line today?

"The anus is Satan's doorbell."

[gyre]

Who is that from?

[GreyCoyote]

Who is that from?

Uranus?

[TomServo]

"You rape my ears, every time you play Dubstep."

[BBadger]

Aspirations are what are put in obituaries in place of actual accomplishments.

[Elliot]

Good one. And same concept as...

"You cannot build a reputation on what you are going to do." -Henry Ford

[BBadger]

"Give it time. One day America will have a bacon scented, red, white, and blue $9.11 note depicting a crying bald eagle resting atop a set of dueling pistols, staring solemnly at gigantic praying Jesus hands, painted on a stock car that's filled to the brim with Big Macs and ammunition."

-- From a comment about currency notes on The Atlantic.